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trees make shade. 


I had been asked over summer to do a little Christmas project for the girls at Mercy Multiplied, which I happily agreed too, assuming it would be done long before December approached. But that did not happen, so this past week I finished up our Inspire Gatherings for the year and went on my way wrapping up some Christmas cheer, with some bumps along the way. 

As I had prayed about what to do, this message of trees and growth and shade came to mind, as trees are such a part of American Christmas celebrations, so I thought I would share it here with you, too. 


In the bible, trees are often used to symbolize a person being rooted in God and righteousness. Someone who is truly growing in relation and faith with him. Someone who trusts in him.

As trees grow, some lose their bark like the sycamore, redbud, silver maple, shagbark hickory, and birch. This usually is not an indication that anything is wrong, rather a visual sign it is outgrowing its skin to allow its trunk to enlarge. However, in some cases, it can be harmful if insects or cold weather attack in the process.

While we are growing in to our relationship with God and learning his heart and hearing his voice, we are shedding our old self and growing spiritually. Our eyes are being opened to sin in our lives, healing and forgiveness that needs to take place and we start producing fruit of the Spirit. The enemy will try to squeeze through the cracks during this process of growth telling us lies and bringing up the past, just as insects and the cold try attack the tree, so we must focus intensely on the Truth of God’s word.

The interesting thing about trees is that as they are growing and maturing, they are constantly giving to others. They make shade for the beasts of the field and provide food for animals and places for birds to make their homes (Daniel 4:11-12). They become a gathering place for others.

This is the sort of life that God wants to instill in each of us. He wants us to be thriving and growing in him. Constantly learning more about who he is and revealing those characteristics in ourselves in order to be able to set us free from lies of the enemy and be a source of freedom for others. He wants us to be fruitful trees that are planted in the house of the Lord, drinking of his life giving water.

Praying that your roots would continue to grow in Christ and that you would seek him and find him and bask in his grace this Christmas season.Praying that you would make shade for others as you follow him. Praying that if have never experienced Christmas in the light of Jesus that this year you would have new eyes to see the beauty of the God of the universe being born on earth to die for your sins. All because of love. Because he loves you. Here's to roots and growth and Christmas.

He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.  Jeremiah 17:8
 

If you would like to dive deeper in this short study, you can download a study guide for free here


Originally posted in The Inspire Monthly newsletter, December 2017. 

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God gives good gifts.

God gives good gifts.

My mom graciously gifted the kiddos a jump house for Christmas. It has been one of the best gifts they have received, hands down, next to the swing set Penny got for her second birthday from my aunt. The kiddos have played endlessly this year throughout the superfluous winter rain and the blazing summer heat. It has been the perfect inside energy outlet for them, bouncing away the morning and in to afternoons, while I finish dishes or drink my coffee or play mama monster alongside them, chasing them around it.

God has reminded me about his good gifts over the course of the year. As we took a step out in faith and moved to a new town, in to a house we had not seen until the keys were just about in our hands, God said he only gives good gifts. As my mom questioned whether it would smell like cigarettes or what the condition of the carpets would be and I wondered about the exact layout, God kindly assured me he only gives good gifts. When we walked through the doors of the home for the first time, I nearly cried as it was practically the exact layout I nonchalantly prayed months earlier for, at the mere idea of moving - not thinking it would be anytime soon. It was the layout of the last home my family had lived in before my parents went their separate ways. It was open and spacious with plenty of room for the kiddos to run and play and eventually hold the jump house. Another good gift.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11

As we enter in the season of thanksgiving and gift giving and start thinking about what we should tuck under our Christmas trees and what we would benefit from receiving, there is a sweet reminder of hope that has been poured in to our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5), one the best gifts we have received. The truth and comfort and freedom that we find in the Holy Spirit through the power of God, after Jesus rose from the grave and went to be with seated at the right hand of God, is nothing short of spectacular.

A friendship that is covered in grace and presses us deeper in to the very heart of God. 

Praying that whatever trials or circumstances you are facing that you would know that God only gives good gifts; knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame (Romans 5:3-5). 


Originally posted in The Inspire Monthly newsletter, November 2017.

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Jumping.


I posted on Instagram a few weeks back about a little something that has been in the works for the shop. Something that I have been dreaming about putting together all year but as the dreaming has become time and effort and coming to fruition it has been harder to step out and actually pull the trigger

After listening to the Feather's Podcast by Abiding Ministries (which I highly recommend!) God keeps bringing to up the need to JUMP and need for risk and growing faith. An opportunity to really trust him. 

I am so excited to give you a peek at what this little jump looks like. It feels like a day at the lake, hanging out on the dock and running towards the edge. And as you are just a few steps from the edge, your stomach is filled with butterflies and mouth full of laughter as your hair blows behind you and you take the leap in the water, holding your breath. Yes, it's pretty much like that.  

We are introducing Christmas Infographs in to the shop in less than a month! 

They are perfect to send solo or tuck in to your Christmas cards. There will be options to download and print yourself or have us print them for you, along with a spot on the front for your pretty Christmas picture.

And my favorite part, there will be kits to go along with them, complete with everything you need to make them yourself and start a new tradition. Making our own Christmas cards has been a date night at home tradition for us over the past several years and we want to pass that along to you. My favorite part is being able to look back at our family's highlights over the years and tucking one in to each of the kiddo's baby books. 
 

Kits will include a personalized Infograph, some yummy Gobena Coffee (as an adoptive mama, I love the heart and everything about the coffee. Check them out if you haven't had the pleasure)  5x7 paper, envelopes, washi tape, custom return address labels, and more. You get to choose whether you put on a Christmas movie or listen to classic Christmas carols as you craft away. 

This should give you some time to review the year and get started, right? Follow along on Instagram to see how the kits come together.

And if you need another fun reason to join in the fun, proceeds from each Infograph and the kit goes towards funding Inspire Gatherings for the coming year. 

Is there anything God is asking you to take a risk on? Maybe putting your heart out there for foster care / adoption or a new friendship or a big move? Perhaps quitting your job and taking a year off like a sweet friend recently did (you can read about her journey here) or starting a new ministry or inviting a family over for dinner. Praying that whatever God is calling you towards this month, how ever small or grandiose, that you would walk in faith and trust him as he goes before you. 

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7


Originally posted in The Inspire Monthly newsletter, October 2017. 

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Enough.


My daughter and I have been reading through the Never Girls series; she was gifted the first collection at for her birthday. We found the rest on our local library’s ebook borrowing system and have been reading them at bedtime and throughout the summer days. As I browsed for the next book, I came across Jennie Allen’s newest book, Nothing to Prove available in audio. I clicked borrow and have been listening to it over the course of the week, namely as I have been sanding and painting a few fun tables I found at thrift stores. Listening to her read as white paint brushed over the wood, filling its pours and the grooves. Covering over the scratches and little dents of its past life.

I think that is one of my favorite parts of old wood furniture. Its past life. Somehow dents and scratches came. Some can be sanded down enough to never be seen again; others stay, adding to its charm and my favorite term, its rustic character.

Jennie Allen read aloud, her words piercing as I painted. Truths of scripture pouring out and reminding me what it means to be enough. That is the premise of the book: We are not enough but Jesus is enough.

It is about leaning in to our weakness to find his strength (2 Corinthians 12:11) and our identities being tucked in to who Christ is, hidden in him (Colossians 3:3).

One point struck me, as more white paint gathered on my brush:
I am realizing it's not my curse that I believe I am not enough; it's my sin that I keep trying to be.

Pride can easily be entangled in being enough. When we are enough we simply have no need for God but in our weakness and firmly rooted in our identity in Christ, we can walk in confidence that God will always be enough, so we do not have to.

When we allow ourselves to repent for our feelings of inadequacy, changing the focus from pointing at ourselves to pointing directly at God and allowing God to bring about his sufficient grace and fully embrace that he is enough, we do not have to be.

We may not feel good enough as a wife or friend or mother or daughter or co – worker but God is enough and feelings are never facts. So much so that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. When we rely on him, we are enough for his purposes. 

There is not a measuring stick or comparison to be enough for God. There is just one you and an ocean full of grace and love.

What would it look like to fully embrace God, allowing him to be enough? May we walk in grace this month and know that God is enough, so we do not have to be. May God guide you in your weakness that he may be greater, showing his glory through you. 
 

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11


Originally posted in The Inspire Monthly newsletter, September 2017. 

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On the table. 

I was invited to the Friends of Mercy Luncheon this past week, which is a time to learn more about the organization, learn about how we can help and meet the girls and take in the beauty of the home that draws them nearer to Jesus. My team joined me at the lunch as they had yet to fully see the home and all the details. We enjoyed croissant sandwiches and salad and heard a few testimonies of those who were in the home and had graduated. It was a simply sweet time, full of excitement from the girls to the overcrowded guests in attendance.

As I sat down to eat, the reminder of setting The Table came to mind.

The first time we brought session one of our Inspire Gatherings to Mercy Multiplied, we carefully put our supplies down and got everything situated in its space. We took each handout and canvas and water cup and laid them in each place setting. As we set the table for them, the Lord sweetly whispered, you’re setting the table for them, as I set the table for you. 

Jesus tells us in his Father’s house there are many rooms and he is going to prepare a place for us. Luke 14 points us to the parable of the feast. We are all invited to the feast; into salvation and relationship with Jesus. Yet not all who are invited will come.

Throughout our days, we are also putting out place settings and inviting others to the feast. We are given opportunities for others to come to know Christ. Some directly each day – our children, our spouse, our significant other, our extended family or co-workers, while others are indirectly or even unnoticed. The cashier at the grocery store or the librarian. The uber driver or waiter. Our everyday actions reference this invitation and either shows its glory or otherwise.

We all have opportunities to invite others to our table. To The Table. How we send out the invite and how we set the table matters. How we love is intricately woven in to the threads of the napkins and coils of the place mats. How our actions follow in step with our Lord can be reflected in how full our glass is, whether brimming to overflowing or running dry. We get to choose with each passing day what our table setting looks like and whether we are truly living in the sweet spot. 

Praying this month you will see ways to invite others in to the little things around you, ultimately showing love and pointing towards Jesus. Praying you will send out invites to the feast, opening up your table, despite its small size or mismatched dishware or lack of décor. It’s the invitation that is the key and heart behind it all.


Blessed is the man who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God. Luke 14:1


Originally posted in The Inspire Monthly newsletter, August 2017. 

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on encouragement.

In college, I wrote a small thank you to a professor telling her thanks for all of the work she had put in one of the classes I had taken from her. It was so much work and so much to learn and so much for her to teach and to grade. When I transferred schools I had to retake the class. Same book. Same amount to learn but hardly any teaching occurred that came close to my previous professor's. I felt sorry for the other students in the class who were trying to figure it all out and had no idea what to do. This was where my note was born and sent it out to my teacher in full thankfulness for her efforts.

Later, a friend mentioned that my professor was really encouraged by it and placed it on her desktop as a reminder while she was going through the daily grind. I had no idea the impact that it would make for her and did not think she would remember me.

Encouragement is a powerful weapon and should be used and given accordingly.

Scripture is filled with encouragement and hope and healing and daily reminders of who we are in Christ, should we take time to read it and soak it in and let it sit on our tongues. Allowing our hearts to feel the truth and not just sit in our head.

It is for the days you look in the mirror and see how thirsty you have become. How dryness has dulled your skin, leaving craters and color lacking. How your once overflowing cup has become dry as the desert and there is still laundry to fold and lunches to be made and dishes in the sink waiting to be scrubbed.


It's God's love that truly quenches our drought through his Word and of those around us, should we allow it to penetrate deeper than the page, which in turn allows us to pass it along, heart to heart, in action and truth to others.

Praying your heart would be fully open to encouragement on both the giving and receiving end this month as you take time to read truth in scripture. Praying that you would take a moment to send a few words to someone who needs a little refill in her cup, whether it be through letters on a screen, words over the phone or snail mail. May your cup be filled this month as the Lord directs your steps.

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24


Originally posted in The Inspire Monthly newsletter, July 2017. Subscribe here to read it first. 

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flowers and identity.

Our house has been filled with a teething toddler and infant. Needless to say, sleep has been off and on and off again. The other night, our almost two year old refused to go to bed, so with the warm spring weather outside, I opted for a walk around the neighborhood in the wagon – soothing for him and sanity on my part.


The neighborhood has surely grown on me, since our move here in October. Mini roses line the walking paths in yellow, white and pink hues, matching beautifully with the variety of flowers our neighbors have planted. We walked and waved to fellow walkers and gleaned a few roses from the path as we went, decorating the Radio Flyer in flowers.
 

In the morning, my oldest son immediately took notice of the small arrangement I had made with the flowers (he has an amazing eye for detail), and looking up at me after asking where they came from said, “You’re a Flower Mom, right?” squinting his eyes to make a point. “You love flowers.”

I laughed and agreed and admired his sense of detail and curiousness and desire to know me.

It is in these small gestures that we are known. Who we are and what we like and what we are about. Sometimes others point them out in ways that are unfitting and not accurate and give us definitions that do not define us, while at others they pin point us.

Yes, it is sweet my son calls me Flower Mom but others are not as sweet. Our identities can be easily weaved in to conversations or by accomplishments but God keeps reminding to keep my identity firmly planted in him, no matter how sweet or harsh the words of others may be. Our identities are established because of the God, who sent Jesus to die for us. To ransom us from who we once were and to bring us in to his fullness.

May you go out this month with a smile and your identity written on your heart. May this month be a month of pressing in to who God says you are; slowing down enough to stop and smell the spring roses and hear his heart for you.

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.
Song of Solomon 4:7


Originally posted in The Inspire Monthly newsletter, May 2017.

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new beginnings & coming soon

Driving around the neighborhood, sparks of color have been found among the trees as pink and white and purple blossoms enter in. All the while, the calendar states it is merely the middle of February. Perhaps it is the abundance of clouds and rain this winter but it seems a little early for their arrival. Despite my usual love for their elegance and grace as spring is ushered in, this year it seems to early and out of place. But they are declaring in their sweet and soft voices of the newness to come, as does the sun, boasting its extra minutes of light.

So much beauty and birth still to come.

This season has been about birth and newness on more levels than I could possible keep record. The summer brought a season of hard and love and the fall ushered in one of surprise and shifting, as moving boxes filled our garage, while newborn diapers and more social workers graced our homes.

Transition has been a key word in my vocabulary, more than I thought was possible but with each use, as it has rolled off the tongue, God has showed something of himself and brought us to place of truly open hands to his leading.

Now, new birth and life is coming. Blossoms lining the road ahead as we go.

Today is the termination of parental rights for our littlest son, as we are in the process of adopting Ryland's biological brother. We are thankful to tuck four littles in to bed and kiss four little heads good night and surprised by God's grace to allow us one more of his.

We moved from our homiest of neighborhoods, following God's leading throughout it all (perhaps I will share details later) and starting to build an extension of our church there.

And then there is this silly thing that I really questioned God's timing about. With four small children and starting a new church in a new community, is it really time to start something else new? Clearly the answer is yes, because time is his and he gives and makes time for things that his heart is for, should I have the obedience to trust and listen.  

As I mentioned months ago about starting a small creative business to support women coming out of hard places and trafficking and addiction, it is now on the cusp of its birth. As products are being listed and the website is almost tuned and women are coming together to be the hands and feet and encourage and inspire others,  it leaves me in awe and wonder at what God will do, all the while worshipping and cultivating thankfulness.

Everything is under construction at the new website. I had debated keeping the blog or including it in the new site, so when I did not renew the domain over the summer and the new owner wanted several thousands of dollars for it, I got my answer.

So this is me tying up the last bit of ingracealways and heading over to more new things. If you would like to continue along, this is where you can find me. 

Here's to blossoms and new beginnings.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43: 19

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UPDATE: on the crickets

 

This writing challenge has been fun and I learned more than I thought I would and enjoyed the process. With one month closing, it was exciting to see progress and rhythms carved out and being one twelfth of the way through. 

And just when momentum and excitement built, life happened. That is life as of late. 

Situations and circumstances beyond our control have changed, cliché I know but there's no other words to put to it and I am not at liberty to share the specifics quite yet, hence the lack of activity over here. 

I have missed writing and the upcoming prompts were intriguing but life around here had been 100 mph and anything but lack of activity. 

So I guess this is me bowing out for now, as we navigate what our everyday looks like. It may allow for more room to write in the future but for now, I am okay with enough time to sit down to fold laundry before calling it a night. 

Because some seasons call for fun challenges like writing and then give way to much harder, better things that fill the day with life and relying on Jesus even more. And when it comes between family and otherwise, family always wins. If you could keep our family and the entire situation in prayer, we would be grateful.

The days seem a bit longer and events keep unraveling and reminding me to breath, as more circumstances come up like split toes and trips to urgent care and hit and run car accidents and colds stealing the little bit of energy I have and hand washing dishes for over a week while we await the new dishwasher replacement, all the while our family has graciously helped us navigate the new waters. 

We are confident God is working and for that, we are keeping joy afloat and love abounding and prayers constant, for God is faithful. 

Here's to crickets around here and new adventures. 

 

For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart. Philippians 1:6-7

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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments

 

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savoring the year: for a bride {30/365}

If you're married, how has the love between you and your husband grown and changed since the day of your wedding? What would you say to a bride on her wedding day?

I once heard about a study that showed how the brain changes once couples have been together for a certain amount of time. I cannot recall how long, though I am sure you can find it with Google, but it showed how different parts of the brain interact with longevity. The chemicals that were once produced in the butterflies in the stomach phase are no longer there. Not to say butterflies are no longer apart of the relationship but more like you are able to be a more sober version of yourself, not seeing the through rose colored glasses. It is the beginning of the opportunity to choose to love and to stay. 

By the time Ricardo and I said I do, we had been together for four and a half years and had shared our address for three of them. Those butterflies had long since flown off, our friendship was even more rooted in love. He has always been my best friend and for that I am ever thankful.  

The love that was there on our wedding has changed and evolved, for the better, something I hardly give a nod to or thought otherwise before marriage.

Ricardo is more of my best buddy than ever before, as we share even more inside jokes and children and experiences that have squished us together in ways only time and circumstance can.

Bride to be,

I am not sure what else to say about marriage. And honestly, marriage is my favorite and for the most part, it has been easy for us, not perfect but easier than I have heard of others; not to boast but in true transparent fashion it has been a gift from God. Ricardo is my go to guy and I think that is key in marriage and laughing.

As for my advice to new brides, it may be a little more sweet than you experience but if you push your feet in and open your heart and set God at the center, love will be cultivated.

I received this top ten list for marriage when I was engaged and it pretty much covers the basic topics. I slip it in to wedding cards and give it to newlyweds because it is such great advice. Lloyd had been married for a long time, so it is surely tried and true and I can attest. 

Perhaps you are coming in to marriage with your address, bed and bank account already shared, as were ours. Our adjustment period was short and uneventful, I guess you could say. We lived with my sister and her boyfriend and got along great, besides Ricardo eating their chips. 

But maybe, just maybe you are waiting until after you are married to merge your belongings and for that I commend you.

Either way, marriage may be more eventful than anticipated in all the wrong ways, in which case I would instruct you back to the top ten list and to your knees in prayer, both by yourself and together. 

This later is not my story and I cannot direct you through experience but I know love is meant to hold fast and unwavering to the hope we profess. And I want to encourage you it will get better and easier, I hope. But honestly it could get harder before that happens. Love anyway. Choose to love.

The more you are around someone the more the opportunity to love or not. To grow and learn. To experience life together.  

So breathe and laugh and smile, even when things are tough. Love always wins and prayer changes everything. 

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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.

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savoring the year: god hears us {29/365}

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God listens and hears us when we pray. Have you ever felt that you got more than you bargained for when he gave you exactly what you asked for? What do you avoid asking?

As Ricardo and I started growing in our faith, I started praying he would take the lead more in our marriage. I was hoping he would start suggesting nightly studies we could do together or a small devotional or keep up with the one we had started without me asking about it. We read the bible together but it was not always regularly.

He was busy. He was working full time and still going to school. He was gone at least half the week with night classes. I understood it but it still did not sit right. While he was studying away at business, I was praying God would give him a break through. While he was getting together with other classmates for group projects, I was praying he would go deeper in his own personal time with God.

As I transitioned from working to staying home with Penny, I had more time to listen to sermons at home or while doing errands. God was speaking and I was praying Ricardo would be able to lead our family well.

One night as I asked yet again if we could do our devotions before bed, some frustration from initiating it yet again slipped in to my tone, which Ricardo picked up on quickly and asked for the reason. I expressed the leadership status I was hoping for as I sat next to him on our bed. He was thankful for the hint but put off by the way it came across and I apologized for the way I let it all unfold. It was one of those slight pivots in our relationship that changed our trajectory.

Coming for a line of strong willed women, God reminded me that I had to step back in order to allow him to lead, not stepping on his toes or giving him subtle hints, and loving him as he learned to take more initiative, even when it was not how I would have liked it to transpire. I had to learn submission and learn it well. Something I continue to learn and trust God with as we go over decisions and I support him with whatever he thinks is best and God's leading in the end, which is something I had a harder time doing in the past.  

It has been one of those prayers that seems two fold and I know God is one who calls and sets people apart but he also listens and answers prayers. 

Through all the prayers and growth in faith and leading well, God called him to be a pastor. To lead not only our family but God's people, which was hard for me to accept at first, as one of my I would never... came to fruition. This is the part where I like to joke and say I prayed too hard for him to lead our family because now he is leading others, too. A friend said she was having similar issues with her husband and I jokingly told her not to pray too hard because you never know who God will allow him to lead eventually.

But through it all, it has been amazing seeing how God has blessed Ricardo with the skill sets and ability to gather people together and the way people listen and ask for his guidance and the wisdom God has given him. And how his relationship with God has developed as he has studied and learned from other pastors and teachers and continues to do so. He has been a great leader as our family has grown and continues to surprise me. 

I am forever grateful for answered prayers, even when it seems more than what I asked for.

Here's to God listening and answered prayers. 

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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.

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savoring the year: prayer {28/365}


Has there been a season in your life when prayer was the only thing that kept you sane? In what ways was God's presence comforting to you?

Mamahood has had a way with prayer for me that nothing has been able to compare to. Perhaps it lessens with time but as far as I see, it just increases as new adventures and development arise. 

Navigating the waters as a new mom had me on my knees, with hands raised and Bible opened. And then deepened with the birth of a Jude and even more so with the entrance of Ryland. 

Prayer and transitions always seem go hand in hand. Not to say that prayer life is based on the hardships because that would not be accurate but the prayers asking for wisdom and strength and peace come more readily in those  times, as well as the welling of gratitude for the provision.

I find myself praying for other mama friends and their marriages and for wisdom and fun because they, too, are navigating similar unknown waters. At the beginning of the year friends and I formed a Mamas in Prayer group where we meet once a month to take time to pray for whatever is filling our hearts and hands at the moment, while the kiddos run and play and we enjoy coffee. 

While motherhood is a big part of my prayers these days, it is not all encompassing.

Hearing God has forever changed my prayers and deepened them and God's comfort has been made nearly touchable. Reading God's word and the words forming their own meaning and application for life in ways only the Holy Spirit knows is soothing to my soul and a reminder how he hears us and loves us all the same.

He is constantly using people to bring his Word to me; little billboards and flashing lights of how he is a God who is in everything and working in it all and using his people to do his works. A sweet friend called this morning, asking how everything was going and offering prayers as I told her of the latest happenings.  

A little while later, as I spoke with a woman who walked through my door due to circumstances beyond my control, the theme of prayer wrapped the conversation as she humbly claimed prayer as her source of strength and the only reason she could do what she does and how everything and everyone who is involved is covered in her prayers. And I almost wanted to laugh as she spoke, since the theme of today's writing on prayer encompassed the day. It was this beautiful picture of what it looks like to rely on God for all things and to keep going even when things are not easy and do not make sense. That is the majesty of God, always working for our good and showing his goodness in any way he can.


 Here's to prayers and God's comforting presence. 
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.
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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: brother prayers {27/365 }


If you have a sibling, take a few minutes to thank God for that relationship, for that life, and for the memories you share. 

I am the fourth born to my mom out of seven. The middle child. My brother, Rich, was the first, followed by Debbie almost two years later and then Mandi graced the world two years after her. There is a four year gap between Mandi and I and then nineteen months later, Carrie arrived. Nearly four years later Nick was born and finishing our family, Naloni was born four years later. Seventeen years span from the oldest to the youngest. And yes, we were raised Mormon in case you were wondering. It was a common question growing up, though I hardly understood the ties at the time.  

Growing up, friends asked if I was adopted due to the lack of resemblance among my siblings. My dad's complexion is dark, mirroring his Hawaiian and Filipino heritage, while my mom is all things white and boasts blonde hair and blue eyes and fair skin. Her features are the ones that I reflect, with skin that likes to redden, instead of tan, unlike my siblings who glow in the sun.

We do share a common nose, the one of my dad and my mom's smile. And there are pieces here and there that if you look closely, you can see, though most think we are merely friends rather than siblings.

But we do share the same parents, despite the questions of onlookers who had to clarify with my mom if our dads were the same. Once, mom did respond sarcastically to a lady in the store after answering the question numerous times, naming different dads for each of us. She was the bakers and she was the butchers. He was the milk mans. And we are not sure about her. The lady walked away speechless with eye brows raised.

I have never been able to imagine what it would be like to live without siblings; I am ever grateful for mine. We always had someone to watch and listen to and play with and learn from. Not always the best things to learn but we learned them all the same.

Rich taught us at an early age about entrepreneurship with his rental property. He marketed his spacey, luxurious room for a nominal fee to my older sisters for occasional use. He worked hard and had fun, sometimes a little too much and showed us what not to mimic, like his high school prank of putting memorial benches on top of the building.

Debbie taught us gymnastics and how to walk on our hands around the house and just how cool Rocky Balboa was. She showed us the best places to hide at the top of the closet, though mom warned me not to imitate that either. She taught us beauty tips like face masks and things to make your hair shine and boys.

Mandi showed us the value of practice, even if it meant practicing her flute in the garage. She never gave up and tried her best. She taught us to keep going even when it was hard. And about instant messaging and computer stuff. She always seemed to know.

Carrie showed us how to voluntarily pass out at school and horribly forge our parents' signature and try to convince the teacher it was legit. Carrie showed us how to trust people, especially Disney princesses, as she made her way around Disneyland with princess Jasmine.  

Nick was the baby but not quite. He was always a sport, even letting us dress him up in our doll clothes before he could talk. He was concerned about staying out of trouble and let us know that if we were bad then we would have to put an Always pad over our mouth, even demonstrating it for us. We were thankful for the suggestion but never instilled this practice in to action.

Naloni was the baby and was just that. He was loved on bit extra by everyone and coddled a little more. We laughed at the way he said "mac - woni" for macaroni and carried him everywhere. He was constantly being held and mistaken for Debbie's son.

A short snit bit cannot do justice the thankfulness and love for all the years we shared the same address and presents under the tree and birthday parties and late night swims under the stars and movie nights and the lessons along the way. For memories that have been and for those to come, I am ever grateful. 

Here's to siblings. 


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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.
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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: a surprising transformation {26/365}


Have you seen moving and surprising transformations in the lives of the people you love? What was that like? 
Ricardo and I became roommates after he graduated high school. Believing in God was something we both held in common but following Jesus was another we had yet to touch. One Christmas, while gathered at my Mom's house, my Aunt Pam was among the celebration. It had been years since we had been in the same room, a time I could not remember if I had to.
She was always so fun to be around growing up. Laughter was a constant and toys guaranteed but her presence never was. She would cancel last minute when we were hoping to see her. Disappointed once again, my mom told her over the phone that she was going to stop telling us when she was coming to visit, so we would not get our hopes us, as I listened from outside the door.

What I lacked in knowledge then, I understood later. My aunt lived a different life style and always came to visit with her friend, a friend that was a girl and shared a bed with her. Her friends were always sweet, playing with us and braiding our hair and I never thought anything of it. As I got older, it became common knowledge that my aunt was a lesbian and she liked to party, have her drugs and smoke them, too.

When we met again that Christmas, I had a hard time believing the stories that she told about Jesus and how he had saved her and how she was no longer a lesbian after all these years and her concern about us living together before we were married. I stood next to Ricardo, listening to these words and wondering what she was smoking now, in disbelief, while she sat on the edge of the fireplace ledge looking up at us. Ricardo had never met her and I had to catch him up on her background and such as we left.

It was a while before we saw her again but she still claimed her same salvation through Jesus and denied any claims of being a lesbian. During this time God starting revealing himself to us and we found him, too as we started attending the college group at my aunt's church.

And as we saw her more frequently, her claims become more apparent in her personality and her transformation was solid. She spoke encouraging words to us as learned the ropes of what it meant to follow Jesus, always supporting us in any way possible like being our last minute babysitter and getting certified for respite care once we became foster parents.

God has used her to teach me lessons, like how to get used to people stopping by unannounced, even though I always thought I welcomed it, and how to let go of my children a bit more as they enjoyed time with her in her blue Ford truck. She has taken pleasure in being an aunt a second time around and we have been blessed to have her. She has traded alcohol for Dr. Pepper and zeal for the world in to boldness for Jesus. These days she is serving in prison ministry and helping out friends whose husbands have passed and taking care of her Chihuahua.


What I love about God is his relentless pursuit for us since the fall in the garden of Eden. No matter how far lost we think someone is, there is always an encounter with Jesus that can change everything. Even the family member we have deemed unable to be saved. Nothing is impossible with the Lord. 

Here's to surprises and transformation. 
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.
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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: a new way of living in my body {25/365}


How have your feelings about your body changed over the years? Do you ever think of it as a friend? Do you have compassion toward it? What would that look like for you?

I have to say I was a little bummed when I read over this prompt; once again talking about my body. I touched on these questions on this post and some on this one and even a bit here.  I think it may be making me a little self conscious with all the attention it has been getting lately.

It seems like I will have to inevitably move on to describing my body in detail, like its pear shape that my sweet fashion teacher surprisingly pointed out to the class, as I stood next to the cutting table lining up my pattern to cut during our lecture on body shapes and outfits that flatter them.

Naturally, I will then move on to scars, like the one on my right pinky where the sharper than normal butter knife slipped and cut to the bone. And the shiny rectangle one on my left leg, on the bottom of my knee where several layers of skin were scratched off by the corner of the TV in my shared room, after my sister in her anger threw it on the ground in front of the door and my unsuspecting self knew nothing about it when I entered.

All that to say, yes I like my body and I am ever grateful for it. It is a sweet friend, who has put up with a lot and thankfully still works as it should, even when I indulge in too much chocolate.

I do not think I can squeeze out anymore about it at this point and will bow out of this, a little shorter than usual, as is my height. And hoping you are loving the skin you are in, too because it is quite fabulous, friend.


Here's to more stuff about bodies.  
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.

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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: on shame {24/365}


How does shame haunt you? What would it look like to let God's love be your shield against the voice of shame? How might your life change? How might you change?

I sat in the front row teetering my pencil between my fingers as I listened to my fifth grade teacher lecture. She stood in front of the white board, nearly directly in front of me, moving her hands as she spoke and her shoulder length dark hair following. I listened and the pencil danced to its own rhythm between my index and middle fingers until somewhere between the to and fro, it projected forward. Straight at my teacher.

Shocked by what just happened I sunk in to my desk. My teacher, shocked as well, asked for whom ever threw the pencil to come pick it up. I did not throw it, I thought. There was no intentionality. No fore thought. No aim could have made it maneuver the way it did. It just happened. Some mandatory part of physics with the object in motion and the moving. It happened so fast.

I could not move. For the life of me I could not look at her or get my body to move out of my seat. I was glued. My face red and hot. My heart pounding in my chest. All eleven years of brain activity shutting down.

And she waited.

She waited for the perpetrator to gather the weapon, announcing she would sit at her desk until it was picked up.

After what seemed like an eternity, my feet moved, though my body still felt paralyzed and I could not think clearly, I managed to pick it up and return to my desk.

I was humiliated. The class knew it was me. She knew it was me. I felt awful. Full of shame and regret and vowed never to tweedle my pencil or any other object again in class after this freak accident, playing it over in my head.

Shame has its way of replaying worst parts, whether as bad as we felt or otherwise, over and over. Shame makes us the culprit and the one who messed up, making everything our fault; even circumstances out of our control or unplanned.

Since listening to God and following his leading, shame is a little easier to spot and usually sounds silly once it is said aloud. Things that are playing around in our heads tend to sound not so daunting when they are spoken and can been seen as they truly are - lies and life taking. Shame cannot hide in the face of God's love and or stand in the face of his truth, which is why knowing truth is so important, as well as believing it.

Living a life believing truth is freeing and allows for growth and new perspective. And it is a constant reminder. Not something that comes naturally, for me anyway. It is a continual process of seeing the bigger picture and not letting silly things like pencils flying bring me down and allowing God to 
speak and move and beginning to grasp his love through it all.  


Here's to less shame and God's love prevailing. 
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.
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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: here i come {23/365}


Our bodies are amazing gifts from a loving God. What would it take for you to live well in your body this season?
It is a wonder at just how much our bodies are a gift from God because it has been ours from the day we were born. It is a constant, though it may change with each year, as the numbers on the scale fluctuate and lines form across the skin, it is still ours and still holding us together. It is full of functions and protocols and systems that I cannot name but God knows. He knows what needs to do what and he created them to be so.

I cannot pretend to know the body or biology because I do not. Biology was one of my least favorite subjects in school, though now I find interesting in new light with God as the creator of it all. But it is still systems and more functions than I can comprehend and have long forgotten since my freshman high school class, where we dissected a worm and then frog and culminated with a rat that we cut the toe nails off, one accidentally landing in the hair of the girl in front of us. So many parts, teeny and seemingly useless but each part playing an important role.

I once heard of a man being so engrossed in thanksgiving to God that he named each system in his body, thanking God for each part. Each part that made up his body, that allowed it to move and flow and inhale and exhale and be alive. It sounds so grandiose to be able to do such a thing, to know each inner part and thank God for each one and it is but for me, I am perfectly content with naming the things I can see and remember; he knows that is not my area of expertise but thankfulness is developed none the less.

And I think that is what loving my body this season looks like.

Loving my body this season is taking it in for all its worth, thanking God for mobility and for each limbs working properly. It is taking the time to thank God for my feet that walk effortlessly around the house picking up toys for the eighty second time today and for my hands that scrub dish after dish, colored in each shade of the rainbow and for my eyes that have witnessed each season of growth and maturity in my children. Thanksgiving for ears that hear them call my name in the middle of the night when I am sound asleep and thanksgiving for arms to hug and comfort.

It is about remembering to love the skin I have been created in.

Here's to bodies and living well.
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.
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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: summer at the lake {22/365}


Embrace the joys of summer by dancing, swimming, sailing, wriggling your toes in the sand, or even just feeling the sun on your face.

I love summer. California summer to be exact because it is not the same everywhere. It has its own smell that draws out memories and curates new ones, like long summer nights and the smell of water running from a sun heated hose on to plants and toes. 

Oceans and lakes and rivers and pools have always been some of my favorite things.The beach is my favorite with its salty air and almost always guaranteeing a breeze. In high school Santa Cruz and its famous boardwalk became an essential part of summer.  

It started with a trip with Kristina and Matt and their dad and my then boyfriend Dave and Ricardo and his little brother, Chris, all picked in their Astro van. Kristina's dad entertained us on the way there with sing alongs and funny stories and allowing us to decide which route to take, through the city or ocean view. We played mini golf, where I somehow managed to get a hole in one and lose my ball in the same game.  We swam in the ocean and laid in the sun and posed for silly pictures of fake shark attacks and riding on kiddie toys.We stopped on our way home and ate at Onos, a local sea food restaurant. After much resistance, I hesitantly tried raw fish for the first time and was not a fan like I was sure I would not be.

The following summer Ricardo and I and Chris and Manny and Senia and Maria, embarked on our own adventure piling in to his parent's suburban and started the two and a half hour drive, my sister and her boyfriend following along in his truck.

We played more mini golf and took up the arcade, watching the boys work up a sweat over Dance Dance Revolution. We ate strawberry funnel cakes, over flowing with powdered sugar and vanilla ice cream and walked up and down the boardwalk, taking in the overcast weather.

We stopped at Onos on the way home, trying to remember how to get there before GPS was on available on our smart phones. As we attempted to navigate, we wound our way down highway one during its reconstruction, with my sister leading the way. They entered a do not enter zone; their truck disappearing as we looked at each other in the suburban hoping there was not a cliff of the other side of the signs. We stopped to turn around as the sun set and hoped their car would return unharmed.

The truck headlights returned, after what seemed like forever and we gave up on our search for dinner, just as we passed it on the high way. We turned around and enjoyed some food, no fish for me this time around, accompanied by horrible service. We paid the bill leaving no tip and started walking to our cars, when the waiter approached us in his apron, stating because there was so many of us, we had to leave a mandatory tip, though it was not disclosed anywhere on the receipt or menu. We stood in disbelief, refusing to pay, when I gave in and paid what he said was owed to stop all the awkwardness of it all and vowing not to come back.

We laughed and drove home, almost getting crushed on our way in to San Francisco through the tunnel bridge.


And each year we have returned, Ricardo and I, a little older and a little more lured by its magic and fun and its symbol of summer and our youth. It is where we eventually said I do and ran in to its waves, wedding rings fresh on our fingers and my lips turning blue from its cold afternoon wind. It is a little spot in our story filled with sand and sun and enchantment. 

Here's to all things summer. 
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.
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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: laying down my anxiety {21/365}


God has given us this season to enjoy. What fear or anxiety is keeping you from full life? What would it look like to lay it down?
It is incredible how subtlety insecurity can creep in without fully seeing it. It seems like when I feel I am trusting God, I turn around and see another hole where it is lacking and no matter how small the hole, there is still water seeping in and raising and I am left to pick up the buckets and pour more of myself out. 

Ever since God started giving me glimpses and guidance towards starting a business and somehow binding it up with Pocket Blessings and bringing it out in to the community, anxiety started bubbling up too. The thought of it sounded great but the execution and day to day kept me hesitant and doubting a bit, as it is when I try to figure out everything. The down side of being analytical. 

For me, starting a business means time away from my kiddos, which is hard but I also enjoy the entire creative process. Two fold, right. And then there is the selling and buying of products, something I have never liked to do. Giving is always my favorite and I would much rather give everything away than get a dollar. I do not have sales personality, not even in my left pinky toe.

The more I thought about it, as with anything, the more I questioned if this was really what God was calling us to. The more I wondered if this could really be right. The more I allowed doubt to win and trust to trail off in the distance.

It made me think back to Moses. He had bigger quests to accomplish but there is the sending and the call that always bring me back to obedience.

Did he try to figure it out before they left? Did Moses talk it over with his wife before he went to Egypt and make a plan about the way he would get to the palace? Or did he just throw caution to the wind, trusting the very words God had spoken and run towards the doors with Aaron? Did he go over the situation numerous times, seeing it played out in his head? These are the details I would love to hear the account of.  

In the figuring it out, anxiety takes its best form as questions and solutions bring on more questions needing more answers. Perhaps that is my way of thinking.

When I started peeling back the layers and realizing the thoughts and insecurities that surrounded the endeavor, it turned me even more to listening to God and praying and reminding me to take each step as it comes. Trusting God above my own worries and knowing whatever this looks like, it is a stepping out in faith and making a way where there has not yet been foot prints.

It is an opportunity to be obedient and pray and fast and clearly seek God and allow my children to be a part of the ride, as they pray for those who will hear the Gospel for perhaps the first time and for those who will be inspired by the products.

It has been an opportunity to have friends pray for me and choose to lean on God, not my own understanding and insecurity, as getting things out in the open tends to do that. It is another opportunity for God to work in ways only he can and for me to watch it unfold before my eyes. 

Here's to less anxiety and more trust. 
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.
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Tiffany Nicole Tiffany Nicole

savoring the year: honesty's invitation {20/365}


Honesty gives others the freedom to be honest, as well, opening up the possibility of deeper connection and friendship.

Telling the truth was always instilled in me growing up and I did not like to lie. Until eight grade when it seemed like all I could tell was false things. It was easy and I did not care and the words seemed to roll off the tongue naturally that I hardly had time to think about what I was saying but it sounded good and feasible and I could keep straight faces and believable tones.

It was a season of being places I should not been and hanging out with people I should not have, which inevitably, why the lies were instilled and put in to place and had to be told. We were going to the library, though just the first stop. We were going to bed, only to sneak out our window. It was these sorts of half truths that my younger sister and I took on and found code words for and our own identity wrapped up in it because we were naive and it was fun and exciting and because of course we knew what was best for us.

After everything unraveled and the fun was over and the police escorted us home one night and other dominoes fell in to their proper place and we answered questions, while they were being recorded on police tapes, the lies were done. Sure, some of my questions on tape were not the full truth but that was the end.

I was over it, though the scars from the lies were ever infused in my parents; I could not be trusted and rightly so.

But I knew the truth and was determined from there on out to live it. To only say those things which were planned on occurring and had occurred. And that is how I base my life and relationships. Brimming with honesty, sometimes perhaps a little too honest at times.

Honesty has a way of pushing itself to the surface, whether now or later, and feels that much better when it is said, which is why I like it that much better.

Honesty has a way of keeping things open and vulnerable and in a spot allowing others see you for who you are. It gives them the opportunity to rally for or against you and possibly a reason to dislike you or dig their heels in with yours.

Honesty is relief and live giving and freeing on so many levels, one of them being the fact the story does not change, details may be forgotten and a little skewed the further as time passes but the bones are there, bare and in full view for other eyes to see. It gives power and cultivates unity and weaves threads of understanding between those who hear and receive it.

Here's to honesty and living like it matters.
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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.


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