music monday: thrive by casting crowns

It was a rare occasion to have Jude up without Penny's presence in the middle of the afternoon, so we took full advantage and headed outside to the swing set. As we walked bare feet in the grass, Jude squatted down and pointed and shouted at the little thing moving about in the grass. Bugs are exciting and always something to talk about with him. It was a bee. Wandering from grass blade to grass blade, it was frantically jumping and running to and fro, trying to get somewhere. We watched as it did its little dance, sans flying. Each time it moved, it got a little faster and appeared more flustered.

Perhaps the little bee had used its stinger and could no longer fly. I know little about bees, besides their honey making - stinger carrying - flying abilities. But it is not every day that bees go hopping about in the grass. And the oddness was intriguing, especially to my one year old. It was not doing what it was made to do.

We were made for a purpose. We were made to do more than ordinary things. More than the nine to five and houses with white picket fences and college degrees and two children. We were made to do good works which were prepared in advance for us. We were made to have an intimate relationship with God and use our God given gifts to further his kingdom.

Thrive by Casting Crowns fits perfectly here. Have a listen. Feel free to have a little dance party, too. It is one we tend to turn up over here.

We know we were made for so much more

Than ordinary lives

It's time for us to more than just survive

We were made to thrive

There is so much relief and peace that stem from doing what God has made you to do. Not that it is easy in the slightest or comes fully natural but being in the will of God is sweet spot to be. Since I started writing, God has revealed himself in ways I could never fathom and it is truly an adventure and a dependence and trusting in him in ways I never needed to before.

When we are going against God's leading and making our own way, we will be working harder and getting more and more flustered. We will be building our kingdoms taking two steps forward and five back, even when things appear to be making progress. Is progress really progress when we are walking farther away from the will of God?

Praying that if you have yet to see what you were made to, what gifts you possess, the things that come easy to you but others tell you how hard it is, that you would seek God in the them. That you would see where God will take you with your skill set as you lay down your own expectations and will and start to align it with God's, despite whatever it may cost you.

Praying that you would search your heart to see what a life filled means. That you would look at the end of your life and see what you want to have accomplished and what that would entail. Praying that you would long for a life fully surrendered to Christ and impacting those around you. That it would be a life full of serving and truly loving people and loving God, for that is the purpose of life.

Here's to purposes and the bees. 

pride + sewing.

The first thing I ever sewed was a hand print of mine in third grade. Each student carefully traced her hand in pencil on muslin fabric pulled tightly through an embroidery hoop, stuffed it full of cotton filler, and then sewed it closed. It was a Christmas present for our parents. It marked the beginning of my sewing adventures.

For a few years after that I thought it was a cheating to sew with a machine, so my cousin and I sewed clothes and blankets and pillows together by hand. Eventually, I caved and the new found speed made projects a breeze. And more years went by and I majored in apparel marketing and design with pride leading the way.

I had been sewing for so long in my own self taught way, that I did not care too much for learning new things and trying other techniques and improving upon my skill set. I blocked my own growth, all while paying for the classes.

In our faith journey, it can be similar. We know the routine and the answers and the rituals. But we lack the techniques and proper use of the application to apply teachings to our daily life.

We forego mastering button holes and lapped zippers and French seams in order to stay on the sidelines within our faith comfort zones. We do projects that do not stretch us.

We sit in church and miss the opportunities to grow our faith. Miss the opportunities to know God on an intimate level. We miss the glimpses of joy that comes from knowing God and following his leading in to the unknown. We miss the intricacy and details that make up the garment and that gives it its lure and luster. We miss the transformation to reflect Christ.

The bible is pretty self explanatory about pride. A few examples:

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2 

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor. Proverbs 29:23

Pride prohibits growth and learning. It causes one to be so full of self that eventually something has to give. Marriage. Job. Finances. Being so focused on ourselves and how good we are, shuts our eyes to see others and destroys relationships and lives. It is the humble who admit they are wrong and can build from there, along with God's help.

Praying your eyes would be opened to the pride in your life, from the grandiose to the minute. Praying you would not think of yourself as higher than you are but would put others ahead and be willing to be last.

Praying that you would have wisdom to see the pride before the fall and would be caught up in mercy and humility instead. Praying you would grow in meekness in ways you have never known through uncharted territories and under explored truths.

Here's to less falls and more humility. 

music monday: cast my cares by tim timmons

Penny had fallen asleep in the car, so we transferred her straight to bed, without changing in to her jammies. When she woke to use the bathroom, she noticed and wanted to change and asked for help. Half way through, she had a change of heart and wanted no help. In her tired state of mind, she decided to do it by herself, putting back on the clothes from the day.

With frustration, she proceeded to put her shirt on upside down, inside out and backwards. As she cried, stating she needed no help and could do it herself, I waited.

And God reminded me of how often we say we will follow him and cast off our old selves, only to be held in bondage by the days past. How we willingly go back to our sin. We go back to trusting ourselves to knowing what is best for us, instead of trusting God; thus make a mess of things as we meander through it all. Instead of putting off the old self and the things that hinder, we hold them tighter and mix them up with things of God. For when we are in that place, we cannot hear wisdom or guidance from God or others. And in some cases, doing whatever we are doing all in the name of Jesus.

Penny proceeded to tell me to go away please, that she did not need me. I asked if she was sure. And she assured me she was, as she laid on the floor with a mess of clothes.

And like that, we tell God we don't need him either. He can go away because we are good. We are good doing our own thing. We don't need anyone to help. But we do. We need God. We need him to come in and show us how to let go. How to transform our old self in for his purposes and take our brokenness and use that for his glory. How to cast our cares to him and trust him. Truly trust him.

Cast Your Cares by Tim Timmons fits here. Have a listen.

I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

Praying that you would fully cast your cares God. That you would cast off everything that hinders you and the sin that so easily entangles. Praying that instead of seeking self reliance that you would seek dependence on God. Praying that you would continue to be renewed and revitalized in your walk with Christ and not be held in bondage from the past. That you would seek the things of his kingdom and his teachings above the world.

Here's to casting off the old for new.  

music monday: did not have a home by bethany dillon

Throughout high school I loved Jones Soda. The tasty flavors along with random pictures on the label and fun little fortunes on the bottoms of the recaps won my little heart. One lunch, during my gypsy-esque days, my fortune read: good luck will knock on your door. A well meaning friend optimistically responded that it meant I would soon have home with a door to knock on.

I have moved more times than I have toes and fingers to count. The longest residence in the past 15 years was at our previous address where we resided for two and a half years, which we are approaching at our current. When we first moved here, I remember speaking with my husband about the lack of that homey feeling. Since the celebrating of holidays and birthdays and adding another baby, the homey feeling has made its way here, too. Like it eventually does.

Residency and longevity and stability that an address provides is a unique thing. It gives a place to put your earthly treasures and display photos of memories past and makes a gathering spot for friends and family to congregate to make more. 

Jesus responds to a man who says he will follow him wherever he goes with:

Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man has no place to lay his head (Luke 9:58).

Once Jesus began his ministry, he did not have a home. He took the stance of a homeless man. He walked and taught and trusted God for a place to sleep. There is a lot of beauty in this aspect of his ministry. He did not need to rely on an address or possessions because he was involved in God's work and will for his life. His trust in God was so much so that he did not need to know where he would lay his head at the end of each day - God would provide.

Perhaps this person valued their comfy, safe life with their things and address. Perhaps Jesus was challenging the very thing that was a stumbling block for him, like he did with the rich young ruler (Luke 18:18-30). Following Jesus is never how we picture it. We would never imagine the good things that he has planned for us accompanied by the hard things we face, which are for our benefit - used to refine us.

Here's a little song about Jesus' lack of a home redone by Bethany Dillon. Fun lyrics - the wife part is interesting since he did not come for that - but fun none the less. Have a listen.

Birds have nests, foxes have dens

But the hope of the whole world rests

On the shoulders of a homeless man

Praying that comfort would subside and that trusting and following Jesus would be your main focus. Praying that you would not grow so comfy that you forget to look outside of your home to those of your neighbors. Praying that love and compassion and hospitality would reside in your home.

Praying that thanksgiving and gratitude for your home would dwell constantly in your heart and that you would follow God's leading in how to use it for his glory. Praying that your eyes would be opened to any stumbling blocks that are in view and that you would have victory over them through Jesus.

Here's to homes and comfort. 

music monday: in christ alone by owl city

The past two months, my mind has been in a sort of fog. The past few months I have been feeling guilty for everything. Sorry that I did not act the way I wanted in certain situations. Sorry that I said such and such. Sorry that I did not get the bathroom cleaned or the laundry finished. Sorry that I failed to do X,Y and Z. Feeling guilty for not measuring up and guilty for every action I make in parenting and friendships and my marriage. That I can do better. And constantly being in battle with doing what I do and then frustrated because I do not want to be frustrated. It is not a fun place to be and some days a prayer for God to push the perfect button on me bounces around my head.

Going in to marriage, I was advised to be careful about preconceived expectations I unknowingly had on my husband and God taught me early on in parenting about the issues with expectations on my child. During this struggle, he revealed the issues with self imposed expectations. This is something I have never thought about or even occurred to me to be an issue.

 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans  7: 15-20

I can SO relate to Paul here. It can sound like a circle when you read it, which is how it feels sometimes. I desire to do good and be a great mother and wife and daughter and friend and do God's will and some days it seems like all I do is fall short but that is not what God is calling me to do or to be. Perhaps you can relate. Hear this truth: God is calling us to love him with all our heart and all our soul and all our mind (Matthew 22:37).  

He does not have expectations. Sin is in the world and we are not perfect There is a constant battle of us verse sin but Christ already won. Satan does not want you to see yourself in that light and when you fall in to the temptation of feeling like a constant failure. you are falling in to sin and not living in the victory that Christ has given us. 

You must focus on him and not your own strength or to do list. Personal expectations make you miss blessings right in front of you because you are too busy focusing on what you want rather than what God has graciously given you. It may also lead to other sin, as a result. 

I pray that God would open your eyes to any unknown expectations of yourself that you have been carrying around. I pray that you would feel the freedom that comes from letting go of your own agenda and to do lists and that you would enjoy his peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).

Rest assured, you are doing the best you can do with the resources you have, with the skill sets that God has given you for this season. Do not fret over the past. Be forgiven. Ask forgiveness where forgiveness is needed and accept it and move on. Christ died for your sins and because he overcame death, hope can be found. Stand firm in the faith and in him and be a witness to how he works out the good for those he loves (Romans 8:28). He loves you despite your expectations, failed or not.  

I love Owl City's rendition of In Christ Alone. Reminiscent of high school days where the anthems of the Postal Service were constantly blaring but that is another story. Have a listen.

In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song; This Cornerstone, this solid Ground, Firm through the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love, what depths of peace, When fears are stilled, when strivings cease! My Comforter, my All in All, Here in the love of Christ I stand.

 Here's to less expectations and more lavishing the love of God.  

music monday: fall afresh by bethel music ft. jeremy riddle

This year is my second year of gardening. I do not have a green thumb in the slightest, where as my grandma and grandpa were exquisite gardeners. I have learned so much this year by just plowing in, along with some advice from experienced gardeners, and lots and lots of prayers. That is how my garden grows, not with silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row - but with prayer. Through that, God has taught me more about life than I ever thought would be revealed, as we planted the little patch months earlier. Jesus' parables about seeds and gardening became clearer as the plants grew in front of me.

I started some of the plants I started from seeds. It really was an experiment and I did not think that they would grow but God proved me wrong. The tomato seeds became the biggest plant in the garden and started taking up precious patio space. Despite their big garden presence, they lacked tomatoes. One tomato was harvested and another had begun growing but that was it from them. While watering one day, God revealed this truth: people may have a big influence on others or hold a high position, yet are not bearing fruit.

You were chosen. Jesus picked you out for a purpose and has appointed you to bear fruit - fruit that will last for eternity, not the temporal. You have an influence on people around you, whether you like it or not. Whether it is for better or for worse. You have an influence on your husband, friends, children, neighbors, co-works, the barista at Starbucks. People notice you. Perhaps for your fruit. Perhaps for your lack of it.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. John 15: 1-4

God has appointed you so that you can grow in him and from your growth and overflow of fruit, others will come to know him. You cannot produce fruit without first being centered in Christ. You have to be constantly in his word and growing in your personal relationship with him before you can bear fruit. You can do nothing apart from God or your fruit will be just that - lacking God.

Perhaps you find yourself in this situation now - feeling farther from God than you have ever before. I pray that you do not grow weary of doing good (Galations 6:9) but that you would take time to actively seek God and his direction. Perhaps you have sewn all the fruit in this chapter of ministry or particular friendships or jobs and he has something entirely different in store for you. Perhaps you need a refresher of being still and knowing he is God (Psalm 46:10). I pray that you would listen to his leading and see what other adventure he has planned for you.

I pray that your soul would be renewed and anything in you that is not producing fruit would be transformed. I pray that you be refreshed and open to receiving God's guidance and come alive.

Fall Afresh by Bethel Music seems to fit perfectly here. Have a listen. 

spirit of the living god come fall afresh on me, awake me from my sleep.

Here's to realizing your influence and bearing fruit. Here's to pruning and growing. 

seeing beauty in yourself

Growing up I read the latest magazines. Teen Vogue. CosmoGirl. And of course, Seventeen, way before my age matched the number. With two older sisters, it was easy. I watched all the teen movies and did a great job at comparing myself to everyone on the screen or magazine page. I wanted to have hair like her. Make up like that one. Outfit like hers over there. No not that one. The other one. My hair never fit the bill for me. My unruly, wavy hair never held a light to the silky smooth straight hair in the ads. It always seemed to mock me. No matter how hard I tried.

I always kept make up simple. The feel of cover up on my skin was an easy aversion and my freckles were never covered up no matter how hard I tried, anyway. Mascara, eye liner and eye shadow were my go to with some sort of lip gloss to tie it all together.

About six months before my wedding, I started having issues with my contacts. And then a sudden onset of makeup allergy to boot. Bulging red, stinging eyes are not fun or pretty.

I tried different brands of makeup. Made sure my brushes were clean. Still nothing but red, swollen and stinging eyes. Then one day I stopped. When I say me, rather it was God who answered a prayer he put in my heart months earlier. When I looked in the mirror he allowed me to see me in his beauty and light, the way he sees me and the way he created me to be. I did not need makeup or contacts to feel beautiful or secure in my looks.

I tried the contact route a few weeks ago. There are new brands and types out these days, so I thought I'd give them a whirl for fun and some change but the stinging eyes and redness returned with them. My glasses are great, any who, and less hassle and maintenance. And they serve as a little reminder of God's continued faithfulness to answered prayers.

Beauty is not found in magazines. That is where Photoshop is found, along with air brushed cheeks and shiny skin.

For you are God’s masterpiece. He has created you anew in Christ Jesus, so you can do the good things he planned for you long ago. Ephesians 2:10

He made you. He made you perfectly. You are beautiful and full of the life that God has so carefully breathed in to your lungs to do amazing things. You have more potential than you know. Makeup is only skin deep but truly loving who God made you to be and embracing the skin you are in is a blessing.

I pray that you would embrace the uniqueness that is found in the dimples on your cheeks and the wrinkles that are starting to form around your nose and the hairs that constantly fall out of place no matter how hard you try to train them to go the opposite direction. I pray that you would see yourself as God created you. Past the imperfections. Past the scars and comparisons. To the child he made you. You were made perfectly.

Here's to true beauty and more smiles. Less time looking in the mirror and more time spent looking at who God is and who he created you to be.