Tiffany Nicole 6/19/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/19/16

savoring the year: one step {19/365}

Do you have passion or energy or frustration that you don't know what to do with, or gifts that you suspect lie buried, untapped? What is just one step that you can take?

Right now, all of my energy and passion and gifts are being tapped in to and used to their core. Something I am enjoying and learning to balance and develop discipline, a process in it of itself that God has been graciously teaching me. Perhaps this is the honing in on my passions, in a sort of way. Learning how to make them work for me and simply enjoying them and not getting too critical of what they look like or how I would like them to be.

This writing project has been keeping words on the tips of my fingers and thoughts in my head bouncing around and made me feel more like a writer in the sense of the word. Knowing I have to write makes it a little harder but the commitment makes it that much more rich.

Some of the prompts I have not known where to start and have taken me longer to process. I have had to pray and dig deep and really remember things I had thought I long forgotten; a friend even commenting on how good my memory was. This made me laugh because my memory seems to be the thing I am constantly lacking in and forgetful is working its way up in my vocabulary. Like the text I never sent or the email that was never written or the forms that were left at home. Unless I write things down, they seem to disappear. But I digress.

Right now, the gifts are being tapped and prodded and flowing in to projects like this one and the small business we are working on and of course all the other little ones that I like to do with my children and for friends.

My creative outlets are becoming work but I think it is in the best of ways and something I am looking forward to continuing to play with. I have been learning to enjoy the learning process in creativity, like the time it has taken to learn the ropes of new programs for graphic design and figuring out new platforms for websites. It is all part of the process and not on the exact time line I had first imagined but there none the less, being formed and reigned in and let loose.

And only God knows how long they will last and if there are others that will come but for now, I am savoring the ones that are in my hands.

Here's to gifts and using them.

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This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.

Tiffany Nicole 6/18/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/18/16

savoring the year: running {18/365}

Sometimes we can guide each other along toward courage and heath. Who's done that for you? Who could you be a guide for in this season?

In college, I had a nutrition professor who was passionate about food, I cannot recall her name but her love for all things health and her slender build and long dark hair are engrained in my memory. Growing up, I always refused whole wheat, whole wheat anything. If it was brown and I would not touch it but after a few weeks in her class, she opened my eyes to health on another level with sprinkled vocabulary words like flax seed and saturated fat and whole wheat bread and flour made its way in to my cart and home with me. She brought in samples of recipes with muffins filled with carrots and apples and seeds that were surprisingly delicious and gave us all copies. I walked out of class eating my muffin and talking on the phone with Ricardo in amazement at the taste and ingredients.

A few years later, I regularly babysat two of the sweetest, calmest children I have ever known. For snack, I was ever cutting up apples and pears and peeling oranges and spreading sunflower butter on celery sticks topped with raisins and mixing bowls of nuts and dried berries. At this point, I was hardly eating fruits, besides Cuties and apples but as I cut and chopped, the aroma was so sweet and the pears were so juicy, I started purchasing them, too, enjoying each bite. Sunflower butter was a new concept, as peanut butter was always a staple growing up but it was delicious none the less, especially homemade with cinnamon and maple syrup mixed in. And nuts made a perfect snack, with a few chocolate chips.

Their mama was the first person I knew to do science experiments with Halloween candy; I had never heard of such a thing and it took me by surprise the day I came over to candy sitting on the counter with a list of ways to examine and dissolve them. Candies I had grown up eating and never thought twice about - except the time a classmate told me they were made in a science lab but I had no idea what he meant by that or that it was not natural for candy to be made that way. It sounded kind of fancy to me and tasted delicious.

But this time I thought more about it. Looking on the packages and realizing what I was consuming made it that much less appealing when I did not know what half the ingredients were.

A little while later, after Penny was born, she started getting rashes, which seemed to be triggered by certain foods, mainly those with preservatives and artificial colors. This made me evaluate what we were eating even more and drove me a little crazy and forced me to narrow our choices to healthier options with better ingredients and lots of fruits of vegetables, which I had thankfully already been exposed to and implementing in our diets.

When people are passionate about something, there tends to be a natural guidance towards it. I love how they showed me through their knowledge and expertise on the matter in the way they lived and treated their bodies. A sort of leading by example.

After all, are we really what we eat?

Here's to guiding and health.

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Tiffany Nicole 6/17/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/17/16

savoring the year: patron saint of changing your life {17/365}

Who has shown you how to handle change courageously, thoughtfully, proactively? How have you followed their example? Is there any area of your life in which you need to consider making a change?

Change is based on a series of events be decisions, some beyond our it control and others because of them.

I walked home from school with her on and off since junior high. We laughed and dreamed and discussed taking home recycled papers that belonged to a crush. Was that weird?!

Our freshman year was the last to have our feet hit the pavement together with home as the destination. Her dad passed and her mom was involved in not so legal things and her access to older boys and drugs lured her from the once A student to a different path entirely. The first time she told me about trying them, I hardly knew what to say except they were bad but the way she described them made seemed so harmless to her and I naively hoped she was right and I listened, though still sticking to the DAREs program slogan to just say no.

She eventually dove deeper and deeper, though she was still the same cheerful girl we knew and loved with a different address and in and out of motels.

Eventually she got pregnant and stayed in the same routine of meth and such. We visited her after the birth of her son, healthy and strong, not knowing the issues that mounted and were still bleeding through.

And then CPS got involved, removing her son from her care. It was an act of grace and the pivot in her story. The place where she knew what mattered and what didn't and what she wanted and what she was determined to get.

She cleansed herself of the drugs and illegal pursuits, eventually regaining custody of her son. She laid a new foundation of family first and did what she needed to do to find life again and breathe.

And for that, I truly admire her. For her willingness to better herself for the life of someone else and to listen to the call for help when the strings are cut and the bottom falls out, even from her own doing. To love someone so much that even though she let herself go due to choices and situations, she pulled herself back together to do whatever in her power to be the best her, even if it meant cutting out things and people she once thought made her happy.

And the same is true when we meet God. He loved us so much to send his Son and because of his love, our life is forever changed.

She serves as a reminder that change is always possible, especially with God. He is constantly working, even when we do not have eyes to fully see it but the miracle is clearly there to prove it.

And I have followed her example, too. Along with Jesus, my children have been my catalysts, as well. They have push me harder than anyone could to want to be better and have a heart to serve them selflessly and model what it looks like to love God and serve him first as the reason for it all. And about learning grace and patience. And to my knees in prayer. I think about what they see in my actions in the day to day and how that may affect their future and views and it keeps me grounded in prayer and trust in the Lord.

They have been the ones who have guided me unknowingly closer to Jesus, closer to a fuller life.

And she is my reminder that change is possible, no matter how bleak the outlook . It's never too late. Praying if you are going through something similar that God would give you the strength and support to endure and come out on the other side.

Here's to cha - cha - changes.

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Tiffany Nicole 6/16/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/16/16

savoring the year: the older-sister, tinkerbell voice {16/365}

If you find a friend who's wiser than you are and a few steps ahead of you on the path, it's a great gift to learn from her. Send a text or make a call today, thanking that friend. And take a minute to thank God for the mentors and guides he has placed in your life.

Ricardo and I did a brief stint in Washington state. We endured and enjoyed the rain and green trees and fourth of July fireworks under an umbrella. We had Googled local churches before we left and had a few names written down to check out but we never did.

Our first Sunday there, we headed to New Life, a church we had seen a little ways off on the way to my brother in law's karate class. We drove in to the parking lot that Sunday, greeted by volunteers directing us where to park, in my father in law's silver Mustang, toting a bite my shiny metal a** vinyl decal on the back window.

The ushers were sweet and informative and told us of an upcoming mixer of sorts for marriage small groups the next week. It was welcoming and sweet and homey, despite the large attendance numbers and multiple services and we went back the next week and on to the small group mixer. We ate yummy desserts and spoke with different couples who were leading; their dates and times and curriculum displayed next to them, along with a signup sheet with spots for up to five couples.

We met Duane and Robyn, who met on Sundays and were starting in the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado. The time was perfect and study appealing, so we wrote our names down next to Josh and Jenny, Justin and Brenda and another couple that could not commit. As we talked, he told us he was the children's pastor and had four children of his own. They were sweet and funny and full of life and entertainment, to say the least.

Our group dwindled down to Justin and Brenda, and Duane and Robyn and us, as far as regularity went after a while. Justin and Brenda had two young children who would play with Duane and Robyn's four, as we took turns meeting between each of their homes.

We were able to hear and see glimmers of parenting, a season we were on cusp of entering, though we had no idea at the time. We spoke of God and food and Justin and Duane made us laugh more than anyone I know during our short time, constantly keeping things real and genuine and humorous.

They demonstrated what it meant to love and serve God and how pass that legacy on to their children, along with an affinity for all things theater and Disney (speaking of, if you have any questions regarding Disneyland and your family, check out his wisdom and fun at theDisneylandDad.com)

Brenda allowed me to hang out with her two during the week when Ricardo was working, while she looked for job opportunities. We went on a few shopping adventures and took me to the east side of the state, where hardly any green or hills are found and even drove down from Washington to California when we moved back home, her two and half year old and nine month old in tow. Being a mom now, I realize the amount of love and crazy that it takes to embark on that type of adventure. And for that I am thankful.

She let me come over and let me in, as she drank coffee that she made in her Keurig, and talked about life and becoming a mom and having a traveling husband and her family dynamics and settling in to her new home and leading a bible study. She spoke of what God had done and was doing, as she navigated being newly unemployed after being laid off from her job.

It was in this brief snapshot of time, God allowed me to learn a few tips and stepping stones in to mamahood and what marriage looks like in that context, and blessed us with sweet friendship in a new place.

And though I do not ever think one can know all things that are gleaned in time spent together, I am forever thankful for each piece.

Here's to guidance and glimmers.

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Tiffany Nicole 6/15/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/15/16

savoring the year: on losing the plot {15/365}

Do you ever lose the plot in your life? What helps you to recover? Ask God what he wants you to see today.

Losing the plot in life is easy to do with three small children to care for along with things like celebrations and meetings and a husband who is finishing up ordination classes and leading ministry and for a girl who loves to be home and just breathe, the plot can get skewed. Eyes can stray from the cross and grace and mercy to tired and self and analytical.

Losing the plot sometimes looks like sleepless nights and lack of sleep and giving in to grumpy. And then God reminding me how being tempted is not giving in to sin. How taking a minute to breathe and pray through the exhaustion, no matter how frustrated or angry, is not sin. Acting out the anger is sin. To lose my temper is giving sin its win but to grab another book, while frustrated at another long night of bedtime with a white flag ready to be raised, and holding him in my lap as I read and breathe, is not. It is resisting and enduring. It is dispersing mercy and capturing grace and smiles of my nearly inexhaustible children.

And sometimes it looks like insecurities and thoughts that are not true and combating them daily. Not giving in to their pressure and lies. And sometimes realizing that they wiggled their way in to sounding a bit like truth and taking a hard look at the black and white.

But there is this constant in losing the plot that always points back to Jesus. Sometimes the further lost, the easier it is to see the port in the storm and see how far it has drifted.

Recovery and focus have come in the form of rest, which has taken me three children to scratch the surface of. It has come through tears and tired eyes and understanding how much schedule and routine is vital for children to thrive, which directly effects my day to day and my ability to thrive.

It has come in the form of no for places I would love to go and people I would like to see and celebrate along side. It has come in the quiet of the morning, buried in my bible before the children have had a chance to peak at the day. It has come in the reminder to eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow is not certain and today could be the last.

It has come with the intentions of hanging a banner of FUN hanging over my day, to remember to relax and have enjoy and nothing is as serious as it may appear, as long as everyone has breath and health.

Here's to plots and recovering and God guiding the way.

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Tiffany Nicole 6/14/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/14/16

savoring the year: the newborn fog {14/365}

There's nothing like a gathering of close friends to refresh and strengthen us. Who are the people who restore you most? Take a minute to thank God for them.

Becoming a mama is an adventure in of itself with the endless transition and figuring out how to make dinner with a fussy baby and how get to and from Target in time for feedings, lest car feedings occur and which is the best product for baby eczema and it is hard to imagine going through it totally alone. Having wiser women who have been there is a plus but there is something about having the comradery of the new mom transition that makes it that much sweeter and less crazy.

When we found out we were pregnant with Penny, our circle hardly included any one with children but within a few months, newer friends joined the adventure and we were due within two months of each other.

We bonded over conversations of pregnancy and how many weeks along we were and all the developmental stages that came with them and different things we had read about labor. We talked about our OBGYNs and how the birthing process works and which hospital would be the one.

I gave birth to Penny in June and Luuk arrived seven weeks later and Gavin entered the world at the end of August, merely four weeks after.

And just like that, we started navigating our new roles as Mamas, leaving our jobs and figuring out what life now looked like. We exchanged stories of sleepless nights and products that were amazing or just funny, like the pee pee teepees, and what was not working and everything in between. I admired their baby's ability to take three hour naps and they took note of Penny's early verbal skills.

We had play dates, when our schedules and naptimes aligned. And the babies grew and we learned and laughed and wondered if we would ever get sleep again. And in the blink of an eye, they out grew nursing and bottles and diapers, giving us opinions and word in return.

We learned a lot about ourselves and what it means to care for another, who cannot care for themselves and that the only thing that is predictable is change. Once we got something down, they started crawling or getting another tooth or learned to walk and what worked before was no longer helpful. Tips and tricks of things we read in parenting books or online from the experts have been passed around and tried out for what they are worth. And all along the way, we were there for sounding boards and prayers and life.

And as our babies have grown, so has our circle of mama friends. New ones have joined and others have since left, leaving memories and taking parts of our hearts. Play dates are pure chaos and coffee these days, as they play alongside siblings, who graced us with their presence in a similar fashion a second time, as well.

And for them I am ever thankful, along with all the other sweet mamas who have become part of the network of play dates and park friends and library goers. Mamahood would not be as fun without you and yours.

Thank you.

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Tiffany Nicole 6/13/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/13/16

savoring the year: scraps of wisdom {13/365}

There is much wisdom to be found in discussion with good-hearted friends. Who are the people in your life that guide you along the way?

So far, this has been one of the tougher to answer questions. Perhaps it is trying to narrow it down to a few people or a person and saying this is the guide. Or maybe just really digging deep in to thinking about who guides me, who I allow to direct my path and influence me, something I do not think about often enough. For the saying about who you hang out with is who you are, is surely applicable here. Though, I am truly surrounded by some amazing people, who I am thankful to be influenced by, whether consciously or not.

Our last season of life group or small group or home church or whatever you would like to refer to our weekly meeting as, was an eclectic group that only God could have orchestrated, as each one has been.

But this one has been different. It has been smaller with deeper conversations and discussions about life and God and theology and sermons knit together with a lot of time spent collectively in prayer.

This past season has been one of learning and listening and excitement as God has shown up and allowed each person to pour out their hearts about what God has been doing and what God has been speaking to them about. Each coming in to the conversation with different backgrounds and stage in life and a rich transparency in their character.

We went through studies and questions but each discussion seemed to form a life of its own and winded its way down a path we could not known to go if we tried. Organically birthed through the Spirit.

This season, they have guided me and prayed for me and listened as we knelt in prayer with hands grasped and eyes closed and petitioned to God. They have come along on our journey each week as we scratched the service of learning about healing and what that looks like and as we sought direction in the possibility of starting abusiness. They have been an amazing community and I am ever grateful for each Tuesday night that they have shown up at our door.

And of course there are so many others, too, that I simply cannot name. Little anchors built in to friendships and family ties that steer to straighter paths. Thank you for listening and praying and guiding me towards Jesus.

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Tiffany Nicole 6/12/16 Tiffany Nicole 6/12/16

savoring the year: feeding babies + telling stories {12/365}

Some words are only spoken face-to-face. That's one reason time with friends from far away is so precious.

I still call the girls I hung out with in junior high friends. We shared teachers and sodas and french fries and walks home and crushes and all the in between.

There is Maria, lover of Lucas (the flavored salt candy) and all spicy / salty Mexican candy that I really do not consider to be candy. She fights for what she wants and lives hard and keeps going no matter what. She battled leukemia in the beginning of high school. When the diagnosis came, she was close to death's door but by God's grace she fought hard and her body healed; though the entire time we hardly understood the severity. At fifteen death was foreign and far off and we assumed she would be back and she was, rocking an awesome wig and her ever contagious smile.

Then there is Sara. She once was a rebel without a cause but truly likes to stay in line; once shedding tears over getting a B on a math test. She was the first to leave and gave birth to the sweetest boy before graduation. She has known the darkness and loss and drugs but she knows what it is like to be on the opposite side, to get clean and back on her feet and fight for her baby. She is a rock star of a mom and determined to finish what she has started and does it grace.

Kristina is our token Asian friend and we share the same family heritage of adobo and rice. Her beautiful, long, straight black hair and denim skirts were her staples, until Senia cut it off. I had passed them to Senia, not wanting to be the one responsible for cutting off her rules and religion. She and Senia turned me on to thrift stores on our trip to Goodwill to purchase her first pair of pants, brown and straight leg that fit like they were made for her. She is one of the best writers I know and truly has the sweetest heart and best intentions. She once took care of a boyfriend who smashed his face while skateboarding. Enough said.

Then there's Senia. She and I didn't hit it off too well in the beginning and I thought she hated me. Naturally, I had to ask Sara if she did and once we got it all sorted out we went on to sharing more cake and ice cream and drinks and late nights than I can remember. She is killer with a paint brush and baking and knows how to handle a pair of scissors and hair. She was my stylist throughout high school and I have always admired her ability to cut and dye her own hair.

And then after high school, we met Julie, the sister of my sister's then boyfriend. She is funny and a talented artist and so awesome that we almost forget she did not roam C hall with us or pile in to Senia's navy blue, Chevy Malibu to go to lunch. Julie is always calm and collected and one of the best listeners I know. She knows every Weezer song and is amazing with a tattoo gun, even on herself. She is 100% in whatever she does and loyal; she always shows up and is where she says she will be, even if it means changing her own tire in the dark on the side of the road to get there.

We have lived across state lines and in various cities but the commonality and thread is always there, no matter how long it has been since our last gathering. There is nothing like getting together with laughter and conversations, especially over cake.

Here's to being face-to-face and friendship.

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tiffany garza 5/2/16 tiffany garza 5/2/16

meet julie steck, an interview + no more secrets

I met Julie and her friend, Jennifer in the hotel Starbucks when I attended the Allume Conference last fall. I ordered a drink and was planning on taking in the downtown view from the outside patio, soaking in just being there across the country - childless, without any expectations and a God adventure on my sleeve (I have found it is easier to be open to these sorts of things when traveling alone, be to it to the grocery store or library or across the country, wherever it leads) but as I waited for my name to be called, I started talking to Julie and Jennifer.

They invited me to enjoy the morning with them on the patio and I agreed. They were sweet and real and hospitable, even in an unfamiliar Starbucks. We spoke of God and life and our children and the fact we had no idea what we were doing at this conference, all as first time attendees but knew that this is where God was calling us to at this moment in time.

Julie is one of those easy to talk to people and real and deep and speaks with love and grace. Her heart is in each word she says and her authenticity is evident. She cares for her family and people and what God is doing in each person.

She shared about her book she was working on and we exchanged contact info, as we indulged in the last of our drinks and parted ways.

We have stayed in touch and she was gracious enough to share part of her journey in the Hearing God series at the beginning of the year. And now I am super excited to announce that the message that God has put on her heart to share, which is never easy to share, is being released today in her first book, No More Secrets: Set Free from Fear, Shame and Control by Discovering True Grace.

I was blessed with the privilege to get an advanced copy of the book a few weeks ago and read it through in one night. I love Julie's honesty and transparency to be herself and share issues that she has overcome through Christ. We do not all have the same struggles or the same fears but her message reaches past the actual struggle to the freedom from whatever is holding us back. Freedom that is found and rooted and Christ. Julie was sweet enough to let me pick her brain about her new book, so without further ado, here she is.

-interview-

How did God lead you in to compiling your experiences in to a book?

Writing is how I process. So during this year of intense struggle, I filled my journal with thoughts, prayers and examples of all God taught me through His Word. I started blogging again and shared some of my journey there. One day I was sitting at the computer and I heard the Lord say, Ok, I want you to compile it all. I thought about it for weeks, and I couldn’t shake the sense that I was to turn this journey into a book.

I didn’t know if compiling it was for my continued processing and healing or if it would one day be a published book. So I just kept taking the next step. When I finished compiling everything I had written during that year, and read over it all several times, I put it away for a few months, continuing to pray for God’s guidance.

One day the next step was clear: find an editor. I found a writers’ group nearby, and so decided to check it out. My first time there, I hoped to just observe, but quickly found out I was the only one with material to read. Before I started reading, I told the leader, “I feel like God is asking me to make this a book. So I want you to tell me if you think it has that potential.” When I finished reading the first chapter, she confirmed, yes, this could definitely be a book.

On the way home, I was unable to contain the tears from spilling down my cheek, totally overwhelmed at what God had put in front of me. The publishing process itself made me want to quit so I tried complaining to God about how I can’t do this. After I finished whining, I remember Him saying, But do you trust me? I decided then, my job was to write and what happened after that was up to Him.

Now here we are. He provided a wonderful editor that challenged me and pushed me to be more specific about my struggles. He carved out time for me to focus on finishing this project and I look forward to seeing what He does with these words.

"We think our church friends only want to hear the good stuff. We think we need to be strong for them and not let them see us hurting. Now we don’t have to wallow in self-pity, but we can be real. We must be real. We all need a place to share our brokenness, our temptations, and ask for prayer and help to overcome.: (No More Secrets) How has letting go of your fears and shame changed your friendships and yourself as a friend?

It’s funny you ask about friends. Circumstances in my life have changed so much over the last year that it’s actually been a lonely time for me. That plus all the time behind the computer it takes to write a book, I feel like my personal friendships have suffered.

I will say that the year I wrote this book, I identified fear of man as a big stronghold in my life. I care about what people think of me and I hate it when my actions negatively affect someone else.

Sometimes even our obedience can do that. The Proverb says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” We sharpen each other while we walk out what we sense God asking us to do. God had to break this fear of man in me so I will look to His approval over the approval of my friends. This has hurt a few friendships lately and been very difficult.

"I just have to trust Him. Words that are so much easier to write than actually live out each day. To just keep walking when the road ends takes faith." (No More Secrets) What does trusting God look like practically in your life now and how has that changed since you were younger?

I would say earlier in my walk with God I had a set of expectations of how, when, and where I wanted God to answer my prayers. I expected Him to do certain things and when He didn’t, I grew frustrated.

I’ve learned to turn my expectations into expectancy. He hears my prayers and wants to answer me. He just may not do it like I want, when I want. Expectancy knows He will answer, and is eagerly on the lookout for how that will play out.

How have you grown since writing the book?

Oh goodness, I’ve grown leaps and bounds in this whole process. Dealing with fear is an on going process for me, rather than a once-and-for-all done deal. It seems to come in waves, but I’m getting quicker at recognizing fear’s footprints and dealing with it before it paralyzes me.

What is your biggest take away for readers?

As long as we walk this earth, we’re going to be tempted. Often this temptation comes in the form of what we thought we could never do. Temptation itself is not sin, but temptation is not something to take lightly or think we are strong enough to handle. It wants to destroy us!

I love my husband’s illustration I share in the book about living life in a round room. A round room has no corners. Everything must be brought to the center and dealt with. It’s much easier to handle difficult issues when we know exactly what we’re dealing with.

This topic isn’t talked about much in the Christian community, especially when it comes to thinking too much about the opposite sex. That’s almost taboo. My prayer is that we can find the courage to talk about these issues and get them in the light. I see affairs affecting more and more families and it all starts in the mind. We have to figure out how to handle our thoughts and the temptations Satan sets for us, otherwise they turn into sin and eventually death.

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A special thanks to Julie for sharing her story. You can find more about Julie on her blog, Facebook page and of course in her book available on Amazon.

Tiffany Nicole 4/21/16 Tiffany Nicole 4/21/16

back in to the rhythm

I have heard people say gifts and talents change over the course of time and for some, perhaps that is true. But I have come to find that it is more like a funneling system. Putting in all the things you have tried or want to try and experimenting and seeking God through it all. Everything goes down but not everything fits. Not everything fits in to our lives, in our schedules or makes sense in this season. But at the core, the core of our being, are things we were designed to do that make us feel fully alive. We may suppress them or deny them or confuse them with something else that pays better is more conveniently located but they are still there. Just waiting. Waiting to spring to life. Waiting for birth.

I like to think that the roots start somewhere in childhood, intermingled in the day dreams of what you wanted to be when you grew up and in the ways you spent your time and the hobbies you pursued and the classes you looked most forward to or the things that came most naturally. The things that kept you up at night trying figure out or explore or work on. One more brush stroke. One more pitch. One more song. One more equation. One more mile. One more speech. One more. One more.

The words discovering and yourself , when put next to each other, have always seemed so silly, with an awkward connotation; as if you are a thing you have to explore and in the background the song Normal, from Nightmare on Puberty Street plays, questioning "Am I Normal?" It is here that you lose the best of yourself, taking yourself for granted because those things are easy and everyone can do them.

But the reality is, not everyone can do that and those are the things that make you, uniquely you. And some discovering is in order. An uncovering and prodding and digging of sorts. It is coming to a place of truly understanding yourself. Coming to understand what makes your heart jump and what makes your eyes take a double look and what makes you feel most alive. What makes you pray harder and takes you out of yourself. What makes you feel closest to God and makes you depend on him more. Doing what you love and loving what you do. There is a reason. And for some, you may earn a paycheck from it and for some you will never see a penny and it may cost you everything but gives birth to life, truly living and that is worth it.

For me, writing is one of those things. It reminds me of all the words out there to play with that are at my fingertips. It is inspiration bouncing around thoughts and grabbing my phone to write them down before they fall off the edge. Writing is engrained somewhere in my DNA, next to ice cream lover and doodler and maker of sorts.

There are seasons of blank papers and others brimming to overflowing and it has not always been so clear how it makes me tick but that has been part of the process and prodding and fun of discovery. The light bulb turning on and God's guidance and confirmation.

It is the breaks that so often give way to the birthing process. Breaks are good and essential but always a tell tale sign when you get back to it. It could be the realization the project / work / job / hobby / insert something else here, was not life giving or needs to go in another direction or something you truly missed. An absence in your soul.

And for me, with each key hit, it is as if rainbows and sunbeams are bursting from the key board and life is coming back in to existence, back in to the rhythm. Not always. But those days are the best.

Here's to funneling and prodding and discovering.

Tiffany Nicole 4/8/16 Tiffany Nicole 4/8/16

whole: five minute friday

I have yet to participate in a Five Minute Friday post. A post where a word is given out and you take five minutes to write whatever comes to mind right them. Just five minutes and no editing. Timed writing always seems to make my head swirl and lack focus, an area that needs improvement, so I finally decided to give it a try (though I thought I had before). Not to mention, Ricardo challenged me to post something this week and I always love a challenge and I have missed setting time to write lately. So here is what whole and five minutes look like to me.

_____________________________________

My birthday weekend was spent with a suprise-ish trip to Redding, complete with an Art Sozo class and trip to Bethel Church, staying at a cutest little Air BnB, with an amazing view of the city. I had never heard of a Sozo, ultimately thinking were doing a similar art concept to Paint Night. They have a picture to draw and show you step by step.

But that is nothing of the sort and we were in for a fun surprise. As it turns out, a Sozo is about healing and wholeness and God bringing out it all and when you add art to the mix, it is a canvas for him to show you in a visual form. Always healing.

Our first exercise to use the paint involved colors and shapes and God showing what four feelings were revealed in each. Anger. Peace. Sadness. Joy.

For me, sadness was not being whole Sadness was all things blue and in the shape of a macaroni noodle. Little semi circles, incomplete and lacking wholeness.

Being whole is a process of healing and God and self reflection. It is being empowered and driven towards God and people and loving yourself right where you are at. Something God has taken me through and continues to draw out.

You can join the fun with #fmfparty here.

Tiffany Nicole 12/24/15 Tiffany Nicole 12/24/15

r is for repentance.

John the Baptist came before. He prepared the way for Jesus. He was not the one but pointed the way to the One who was coming to take away sin. John preached of repentance and baptism. He came eating bugs and honey and clothed in animal hide. He was not adorned in fancy robes and tassels telling of his position, rather wearing what God had provided and adorned.

John taught repentance to all who came out to the desert to see him. When the Pharisees and the Sadducees - the religious leaders of the time, those leading the synagogues and teaching God's people - came to see him, he tells them to bear fruit in keeping with repentance (Matthew 3: 8).

Repentance is an important factor in being in relation with God and bearing his fruit - doing his will. Lacking repentance builds blockages that only asking for forgiveness can tear down. Repentance comes when we are willing to lay down pride and accept responsibility and turn to God.

Communication with God is like a stream, rushing through its path, free flowing and following the grooves of the earth, while our sin and unrepentance is that of a dam, blocking the water's flow. With each new dam, our communication is coming to a standstill, while our hearts are hardened from God and our prayers hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

In order to bear fruit, we must search our hearts and be open to repenting and hearing God.

We must be full of humility to confess our failures and short comings and whatever leads us in to sin. Without humility, our relationship with God can turn in to an elephant in the living room sort of thing, where issues are not addressed and we distance ourselves from his love and grace and mercy, cutting ourselves off from communing with him, our life blood. Our ears close off to the still small voice of the Spirit and our hearts reject his promptings.

We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of (Romans 3:23) but He is faithful and just to forgive if we turn and confess every unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Jesus died for our sins, paying our debt before we breathed our first breath. When we trust in Jesus, we are washed as white as snow, though repentance is still needed.

Praying that whatever your state of communing with God is, that you would take a moment to ask if there is anything that needs to be confessed and forgiven. Praying that your heart would be open to the leading and discipline and grace that is poured out and that you would be strengthened and renewed and refreshed.

Praying that God's kindness would lead you to repentance (Romans 2:4) and that his favor would be your desire. Praying that your prayers would not be hindered but rather powerful and effective as you surrender yourself to God. Praying that you would be obedient in his leading and that you would bear fruit, whatever exciting adventures God has in store for you.

Here's to repentance and bearing fruit.

Tiffany Nicole 11/30/15 Tiffany Nicole 11/30/15

music monday: build your kingdom here by rend collective

We are the church. The church runs through our veins and is nonexistent without us. We are one. Of one body. When she rejoices, we rejoice. When she mourns, we mourn. We are the church. And the church needs healing.

Build Your Kingdom by Rend Collective is the perfect little anthem for this. have a listen.

To see the captive hearts released
The hurt, the sick, the poor at peace
We lay down our lives for Heaven's cause
We are Your church
We pray: revive this earth

For the church to heal, the body, each member, each branch that has been grafted in and marked in the Book of Life, must be healed. Physical healing, for some. For others, the mind. And still others the spiritual. In order to move forward, we must go back to the tears and anger and disappointments and cover them by the blood of Jesus, with his healing through the power of the Spirit of God.

A collision of the mind, body and soul has to occur and our clenched fists must find rest in the open hand position, as we receive the grace we profess with our mouths. We must be made aware of the festering wounds stirring inside our souls. The ones that bind us in anger and despair and full of self hate. The ones we allow to steal our joy and block out the sound of God singing over us. The ones that the enemy uses to close our eyes and ears to God. The ones that make us ineffective and keep us down in the pit.

The church needs faith that it can be healed. Faith in a God who sees and in a God who heals and in the power of the Holy Spirit. We need to trust and rely on God to heal, not being so reliant on doctors or time or the body to heal (yes, those are great things) but trusting in God as the ultimate healer - who uses doctors and time and the body to heal us. It is being the one who goes back to thank God after all has been said and done, reminiscent of the leper who returns to give thanks.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

We must be a church knitted together in humility, knowing it the humiliation will not last forever. We must be a church that gets low and dirty, crawling among crowds of people just to touch the tip of Jesus' clothes, believing it will heal. That fervent and desperate and full of faith. We must leave our worry at his feet, believing his ways are truly better than our own, because he cares for us.

We must have humility in knowing we are broken and cannot save ourselves and are in need of a Savior in every aspect of our lives, including the ones that have yet to surface and become known in our finite minds. We must learn to be transparent with those around us and be prayerful for ourselves and others.

Praying that as a tree in winter, whose glory and splendor and beauty has fallen to the ground, and now stands bare and open for all to see its branches and peeling bark and holes, the church would stand bare. That each member would be transparent and open in order to accept the healing that is offered through the blood of Jesus. Praying that as the tree is waiting its time in preparation for spring, for its renewal and blooms, that the church would go through its process in revival of faith and in the power of the Holy Spirit's miraculous works, as healing pulses its veins.

Here's to the church and the healing of many.

Tiffany Nicole 11/19/15 Tiffany Nicole 11/19/15

healing prayer, how to + printable

I came across healing prayer at a women's retreat several years ago. It was the first time I really encountered God. Me and God. Not something that was revealed through bible study or through another person but through prayer. A vision.

Prayer is the communication language with God, though the Spirit will intercede for us where words fail. Prayer is powerful and integral in relationship.

It heals and restores and cultivates faith. It is an intimate practice of all who take part, in private or community, with the Creator.

There are so many ways to commune with God. Prayers are memorized and recited. Scriptures are prayed. Our petitions and joy and grief come to life off our tongues. And each has its own time and place to orchestrate and play its melody.

This healing prayer is my "go to" prayer when something is bothering me or there is an issue that is reoccurring. It never ceases to amaze me the way God reveals himself through it and the beauty and restoration that emerges out of it. I tried to Google the prayer to find its origins but I was at a loss for who wrote it, so this is what I took away from the retreat and how God has revealed it to me.

I have heard of people being healed physical and emotionally from it. From molestation to marriage issues to not feeling worthy or accepted to undiagnosed bleeding. If there is a feeling or a deep rooted issue that you would healed, this is it. I have lead others through this without a feeling in mind or asking for healing for myself and God showed me something that was lingering and healed it, too. That is the kind of God we serve, who knows us better than we know our own infinite selves, who knew us before we were born.

Here are the steps to walk you through the prayer, along with video description.

Make sure you have enough time to go through this and are free from distractions / interruptions, asking the Spirit to lead.

If you are facilitating, you can have the person or group raise a hand as they go through each question to signal they are finished or say done. A question can be talked through if you are going through it with someone to get clarity if something comes up before moving on to the next step, as long as they are okay with sharing. This is a very intimate time of prayer.

I like to start by praying verses to clear and focus my mind on God, decluttering thoughts, such as:

Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ - 1 Corinthians 10:5

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Each question is being asked to God. You have to quiet yourself to hear the response. I promise he will answer (Jeremiah 33:3).

1. Is there anyone I need to forgive? Is there sin I need to repent of? If a name comes to mind to forgive, write it down and pray how to reconcile, do so in you heart now. If you need to repent, do so now. This is crucial in the process to be reconciled to God and others.

2. What is the emotion am I feeling? If you do not know what exactly is ailing you, ask God to reveal the words or issue at hand.

3. When was the first time I felt this? A memory of the first time you felt whatever emotion / situation will be revealed to you. (i.e. the time you were angry, lied to, etc.)

4. What is the lie? A lie is buried beneath the feelings that you have believed, whether known or unknown.

5. What is the truth? The truth will be revealed. This is where the healing takes place, whatever God has in store for you. It may be a truth through scripture or other means.

Praying you have eyes to see and ears to hear. Praying you can see through the eyes in to the Spirit and not focus on what the world sees, for the world has missed Him. Praying that both eyes would be focused on the Spirit to see the things of God, for one cannot focus each eye on different things at once, lest your eyes grow cross and seeing becomes unbearable.

Praying you would receive healing from the Lord as you seek him and that you would hear his heart for you, as you enter in to forgiveness and repentance. Praying you would be healed and show others the way.

Here's to healing and renewing.

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tiffany garza 11/12/15 tiffany garza 11/12/15

POCKET BLESSINGS

Pocket Blessings is a once a month craft night whose goal is to impact in the community for Christ, one handmade blessing at a time, while connecting crafters and willing learners. We would love to have you join us.

We meet. We snack. We craft. We hear a little of God's word to sweeten the night. And then we give the crafts away to groups in our community, with a little verse + covered in prayers.

On the first of each month, from September to May, a craft will be posted with some instruction and scripture to guide your night but don't be confined to our ideas. Be creative.

Interested in starting a Pocket Blessings craft night in your community? Here is some info to get you started.

Want to share your projects? Use the #pocketblessings hashtag on Instagram.

Current Craft:

Past Crafts:

Tiffany Nicole 11/9/15 Tiffany Nicole 11/9/15

music monday: with everything by hillsong

I have been wrestling lately. Wrestling with God. Seeking and praying and fasting and reading. Wrestling with the Church in context of America; not sure what wrestling looks like when I can hardly crawl and lacking in skill set and just learning how to stretch muscles in rhythms that are natural to the body.

Recently sitting on my counter was a copy of Relevant magazine, a young child whose arm was bandaged and stopped before the elbow looking back at me on the cover. Anything but light reading before bed but had me searching the pages for the corresponding article.

Children and women and men dying for their faith. Martyrdom in Nigeria. Sitting in my overflowing home and thinking about the 13 year old boy who was castrated and in bandages but asking for prayers for his faith to increase, and the husband, whose wife went to be with the Lord after being told they must convert to Muslim or be killed, as he lay in the hospital recovering from the wounds after being left for dead but comforted for Jesus said there would be trouble, and the lady who watched her sister get shot to death and forced to marry the man behind the gun but managed to escape, it is hard to comprehend it all. He could be my friend. He could be my relative. She could be my child. This could be me. These are God's children. Keep them tucked in your prayers as you slip both hands in your shirt as you dress and as you guide your child's legs in his pants.

As I sit well fed and comfortable, not a need unmet, having attended a church service this week, others are fighting the good fight of faith. Others are losing their loved ones, their moms and dads and babies to hate, their own arms and limbs cut off, while I feast. While I celebrate birthdays and hear of goals to be made and holidays to be planned, their faith is being refined in the most holy of ways.

There is a time for everything under heaven. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to weep and a time to laugh. And this is a time to refine. The words of Paul, taken from Psalms, echoing in my head: for your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.

This is real faith. This is what it all boils down to. Do we really believe?

Is this what America needs to witness to be reconciled to its first love? To see the suffering and perseverance of real faith? To follow in their example and know we are more than conquerors through Jesus? To truly know the Savior we claim on Sundays, yet fail to fully seek him the rest of the week?

Is this what we need to witness to truly repent and turn from our sinful ways?

With Everything by Hillsong is a beautiful song and prayer for the Church. Have a listen.

Open our eyes,
To see the things
That make Your heart cry,
To be the church
That You would desire.
Light to be seen.

Praying that your faith would continue to be formed and shaped and molded. Praying we would stop the enslavement of our cell phones and iPads and turn our hearts to him. That we would stop living for empty, self seeking pleasure and American dreams and turn to him. That we would stop seeking monetary gains and politics and turn to him.

Here's to wresting and faith.

tiffany garza 11/3/15 tiffany garza 11/3/15

pocket blessings: hearts of hope ornaments

Happy November! We are getting our sewing needles and thread out this month for craft night. We are cutting and hand sewing these simple but so pretty heart ornaments. A similar tutorial can be found here for the general idea of construction.

Supplies:

Fabric: scraps are perfect

Needle + Thread / sewing machine

Cotton balls / stuffing

Embellishments: buttons, ribbon, bows, beads, etc.

Hearts are my favorite shape and can be found doodled on nearly any paper that comes in contact with my pen. Hearts are a symbol of love and a word used to say how much you like something. They can represent the center of an object or the soul and often tied to feelings depicting what we are all about.

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45) and this month our prayer is to speak hope in to the hearts of those who are hurting. Hearts of hope.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

Hope that only comes from believing in Jesus. That can be held on to during the most crucial points in our lives and in the most blissful. Hope that turns the mourning in to dancing and puts a new song in our mouth. It is the hope that does not make everything okay but that never gives up. That restores and renews. The hope that changes everything.

When we hope in Jesus, our lives change in ways only God can imagine, as idols fall and the cross is continually picked up, with new eyes to see the landscapes of a gifted life worth living despite circumstances. Hope that reveals patience during trials and develops a conversational life of prayer.

Praying that your heart would be full of hope as you trust in Jesus and that it would be interrupted with hope if it has yet to be and that you would in turn bless someone else. Praying that you would find peace in the midst of life and comfort in the quiet to rest and refreshment in the beauty of things hoped for.

We are using these tags (1.5" x 1.5") to attach to the ornaments as we give them away. Click to print.

For more info on Pocket Blessings, click here. If you are hosting a Pocket Blessings in your community, feel free to email with any questions or any way we can be of service.

Tiffany Nicole 10/29/15 Tiffany Nicole 10/29/15

shoes + sole hope

Growing up, my toes were slipped in to pink jellies in hot California summers and covered in black clogs for church (they were comfy) and orange sneakers to run across the play ground. High school had me sporting another pink shoe, this time a pair of Converse and these days comfy, grandma flats (as my sister lovingly calls them) are my favorite. I have always had shoes and more than one pair at that. And that seemed normal. Nothing to question or think twice about.

Until I heard of jiggers and learned the detriment they caused little feet worlds over, as Sole Hope spanned my computer screen a few years ago. It's simplistic message and need, coupled with the heart and story behind it broke my heart.

I rang in my birthday that year with their Party with a Purpose. Friends and family came over, jeans and milk cartons in hand, ready to trace and cut shoe patterns for children who knew the pain of jiggers first hand, burrowing deep in to their feet.

It was humbling seeing everyone so focused and willing to help. And the next day, the scissor cutters could hardly move their fingers but they said it was all okay in the name of Jesus. Sweet sarcasm, sweet friends. That being said, fifteen minute station rotations is recommended to get the full experience, just in case your party goers are amazing, hard worker ,enthusiasts like mine.

Meeting Drew, one of the co-founders, at the Allume Conference brought Sole Hope to another level this year. Witnessing first hand his passion and heart driving the movement as he spoke about what it is all about and how we can partner with them was humbling still.

He stood on a chair in a crowded room. Raffle participants waiting in a lounge filled with sweet delicacies to see if they were the winner of an overflowing gift basket or the IPad, all generously donated. His words were real. His heart on his sleeve. To help the children. To be Christ overseas through giving and support. The raffle prizes seemed hollow and empty in the context of his heart and message.

This month the 10 for 10 program was launched: a way to ensure each that pair of shoes cut will be fully funded to completion - from sewing and all construction, which takes place in Africa, to finding ten toes to protect from jiggers. With just $10 a month, you can ensure a pair of feet have something to slip into, to run in, keeping them safe from burrowing jiggers.

There are lots of other ways to use your resources to assist them: donating common medical supplies, purchasing items from their Amazon Wish list, be a voice of hope by letting others know about what is going on, shopping their store and of course praying for them.

Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24

I am not affiliated with Sole Hope or anything of the sorts. Just someone who believes God is using them to do his beautiful work. Praying you would seek a way to be of service to them, whatever it looks like for you. Praying you would do something.

Here's to being of service and spurring one another on.

tiffany garza 10/22/15 tiffany garza 10/22/15

cross country trust building.

The Allume conference has came and past. A whirlwind of take offs and landings, business cards and name badges, roommates and chocolates, speakers and an out pouring of encouragement.

When God calls you to the other side of the country, leaving your three children and traveling alone for the first time, it is quite an adventure and a constant reminder of his provision; Jehovah - Jireh. An entire exercise in trust, something God has been working on in me this year.

Trusting God to lead and for me to follow.

Trusting that whatever God had for me during this time, it would be just what he had planned.

Trusting that everything would be secure on the home front.

Trusting that I would make my flights and find the connections, despite my lack of direction and the playing of musical gates with the airlines as they decided which one was now best.

Trusting I would make it on the correct shuttle to the hotel and not on the one that stood waiting long before I was there.

Trusting my rotating roommates would be genuine and not on the creeper side.

And God came through. My husband rocked the home; complete with Chick-fil-a and night feedings. I made each flight, even though one was overbooked and my seat was TBD and I was the final person to board. The shuttle came on time, despite a delayed flight. My roommates were the sweetest women, more than I could have imagined. And peace lavishly covered each day and hour.

The speakers were authentic and held beautiful incites and truths but it was the conversations with women from across the US (and Canada) that sewed the conference together so eloquently, along with those on the planes and streets. The way God brought each one together at just the right moment. One Spirit lead conversation after another with threads only God could sew. Another reason to stand in awe and wonder at him. Life's trials and journey's exchanged; meeting one another as words formed pictures of days past, now redeemed and hemmed in hope and sent with encouragement. Seeing glimpses of the Masterpiece coming together this side of eternity.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

This verse has been embedded in this year and a constant encouragement throughout the days for I could never understand it all.

Praying whatever you are holding in your hands that you would give it to the Lord. That you would trust he is working out everything for your good and know there is nothing you can do to slow it down or speed it up or work out. He is in control of even the smallest of things because he truly cares for you - his child. Praying your eyes would be opened to the areas where trust is lacking and that you would jump in with both feet covered in faith and radiating in his peace.

Here's to more trust and adventures.

tiffany garza 10/1/15 tiffany garza 10/1/15

pocket blessings I popsicle quote signs

Happy October! Another month and Another craft. We are excited to make these fun, little signs. A few popsicle sticks, glue and stamps and you have a cute way to encourage someone.

Signs are a perfect way to label something. They tell you exactly what the contents are and what is expected to be inside. For some, comments and descriptions of others easily roll off the tongue. Peace maker. Encourager. Holy roller. Some you expect and still others you could never fathom. Words attached to you by someone without your approval. And sometimes it sticks. Other times it bounces.

You know, the woman with the gap between her teeth, who always seems to get lip stick on it.

And the other one, who is just a little too friendly and loves wearing pink shoes.

No, it's the one who always talks about her dog, has really frizzy hair and kind of chunky.

And the opinions of the Proverbs 31 Woman is always an interested topic.

She is the epitome of what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus.

She is not a real person.

How does she do it all? She does too much.

Commentaries and bible studies go on about it. About her. Her character and wisdom and family and work life all simplified in to twenty two verses, overflowing with goodness and purpose and drive and fear of the Lord. And how we can be like her. How you can be like her in your everyday life, doing your everyday tasks because face it, she is pretty fabulous and those labels would look great on you, too.

But you are you and in true Dr. Seuss fashion, there is no one YOUER than YOU. And you are pretty awesome, my friend, no matter how awesome someone else is.

So our hope with this craft is to dissolve the labels that others have given us, whether good or bad and will hold up ones that God has given each of us. Ones that encourage and ring truth to our souls. That allows each inhale to be our breath alone and for that to be sufficient.

Praying that you would focus on who God says you are and not what others have labeled you. Praying you would see the beauty in yourself and the way you were so carefully made.

Here is a simple picture tutorial. Let me know if you have any questions. I have been in to a neutral pallet lately and loving the simplicity but the sky is the limit to the design. I am quite sure glitter will make it to craft night, along with some paint to liven them up.

More info on Pocket Blessings here.

Happy crafting!

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